I Regret My Marriage.
My husband is very sensitive. He has had a very different upbringing and the instability still shows. I knew that there were issues before marriage but I didn't expect him to take things out on me.
* There is no violence* And most of the times things are fine. It's just when he does shout or get snappy I just can't forget about it. I can imagine that this is perfectly normal in many relationships (mother/child. siblings perhaps) but I'm not used to it and hate having this in my life.
I like him alot. But the 'love' that i did have has fractured. I think boyfriend/girlfriend love is not really comparable to husband/wife love anyway. Well not unless you live with each other and share time the way 'traditional' married couples do. Anyway, back to the point, I DID love him when he was my boyfriend... and probably 6 weeks into the marriage too.
We had our worst arguments at the beginning. I remember in the first week of living with each other we had a terrible argument. It was so bad i was banging my fists against the walls and crying for my mum (he was sleeping on the sofa). I've been lucky in life that I've never been through anything like that before.
So you can understand, that when I hit a real LOW and all fingers are pointing towards him as being the cause, then I'm going to lose faith in him and 'THIS' marriage too? But then, he has changed alot since the beginnng and he did make me breakfast twice this week!
For the last few weeks I've had serious doubts about his integrity. Only after a few weeks of tender moments have I regained some trust in him. But then, we have spent some time away from each other (absence makes the heart grow fonder?).
My biggest fear... is that I'll get screwed when I'm most vulnerable. That's why I've been so anxious. Because I'm waiting to find the evidence. But in my heart I don't think he's that bad.
So, I need to recognise the fine line:
A) from staying in victim mode and not forgetting the past (the initial arguments we had [they were very bad]) which will probably conclude in divorce.
B) Stay in the present and handle all situations as they arise with the highest level of dignity. And just record things so I can review when I feel unsure.
This sounds so bizarre.
I am actually very normal and I never DREAMED that I'd be sitting here writing something like this. I never thought that my marriage would be such a calamity. But then, I thought marriage would be like having a new room-mate. Someone to share your experiences and hot dinners with.
But you know what? I'm starting to realise that more people are in a similar position but they don't share it easily. I've chatted to three.
In my mind it's a catch-22: marry or not to marry. Singledom vs Married life; both have their pros and cons.
This all sounds like a sad cliche. That I'm making excuses for a dreadful husband. People are sitting and judging me... because I'm neither here nor there. I'm complaining but I'm not acting on anything. But the bare facts are this:
- I've been married 6 months
- Divorce would upset ALOT of people
- I don't know how much of this I just need to 'get over' i.e. old arguments (forgiveness etc)
- If he will improve. Evidence SUGGESTS that he will but I don't know.
I just have to give it more time really.
I have very little patience. Is this why marriages fail? because women have less patience with their tantrum-pig husbands?
Any marriage advise would be greatly appreciated.
From Newbie-Wed. x