Molested By My Step-brother

When I was 9 I was molested by him. I hate to say that I enjoyed it. I told my counciler that I don't think it was molesting because I enjoyed it. She told me that at my age I didn't know what I was doing but he (13 yo) did. She told me that the reason I enjoyed it was not because I was a bad person, or because I should have known better, but because it is the way us humans are wired. We enjoy the embrace and the touch of others, especially when its sexual. Hosetly I still feel bad for liking it though.
ImAMonster93 ImAMonster93
18-21, F
11 Responses Nov 1, 2010

Well this is officially the most terrifying series of comments I've ever seen on an EP story. And why are people attacking the counselor? The counselor is trying to help you relieve your guilt, although I know it is a long struggle. Please know that you are in no way responsible because your body felt pleasure. That fact in no way lessens the severity of the molester's crime. All blame rests on the boy who hurt you. Even if you'd run in front of the boy naked and shouted "molest me", he would still be 100 percent to blame.

lauren71, I 100% agree with you.

You have nothing to feel bad about. If you enjoyed it that's nothing to be ashamed about. It's your body & nobody should tell you how it should feel & be used.

You are very cool. Don't let some counselor-pull your chain! They are famous for that. Anyway, if you enjoyed the experiences and closeness that it brought you-great. You can move forward to other interesting path ways in your life. Thanks for sharing your stories. Peace...

there are some reflexes that are hard coded in our brains,<br />
god has made sex pleasurable, otherwise whole humanity would have come to an end, so you should not feel shameful or bad about it.<br />
Try to forget the whole incident, and focus on your present.<br />
<br />
Best Wishes

Well, I just have to put my two cents worth in. Yes we are wired to like it, and further, I think it changes the wiring in the brain's pleasure circuits, so we seek out more of that pleasure, consciously or unconsciously. I also think that anyone that has any sense of what is socially right or wrong is also wired to feel guild. Guilt is a good thing as it hopefully keeps us from harming others to satisfy our own needs and pleasures. The good part about growing up is that we develop cognitive reasoning skills that allow us to discard that guilt if it is not serving a useful purpose. That is why therapy is sometimes called cognitive behavior therapy. lol

Funny how so many of these comments are attacking your counselor for making you feel like you're bad, when it sounds like your counselor is actually saying the exact opposite, that enjoying it was normal. <br />
<br />
Personally, I don't think it's healthy to try to make yourself be okay with something that you're really not okay with. It may sound like a strange thing to say, but I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling shame, guilt, or with feeling like you're a bad person. Who knows, maybe there was something wrong with how you reacted. I don't know. On the other hand, I would bet that as you get older and you get more experience and wisdom you'll be able to look back on the kid you once were with a little more sympathy and understanding.

THE only reason you feel bad is because you got involved with a COUNSELOR.. Without those ******** telling you how your SUPPOSED to feel, everybody would have a better life. How do THEY know what is RIGHT for you ? I like to hear about the marraige counselors that get divorced. Yeah some experts. Just like in a trial, 3 of them say the person is nuts and three say they are not. It is all B.S. and ya need to think for yourself ! How the hell can you regret enjoying something so primative and wired into the human brain as sex ? Oh Yeah, lets go ask a COUNSELOR, they know.

So, in your reply and advise, you just became a counselor.

With my adult mind I have been able to look at my past 'sexual abuse' with a clearer and more logical view. It was not abuse. As a teenager I was convinced it was abuse, and suffered for it. But now because I choose not to see it that way, I do not have the symptoms of being a victim.

I think the sexual fun I had as a kid was OK, but for years I struggled with depression and anger becuase society TOLD me it was abuse. What society doesnt want to face is that children are sometimes sexual beings. Some become sexual much earlier than others. My experience could have been much better if the men involved had not been confused about their role, and if I had not been coddled by society, and kept in the dark about some very important realities.

Im not sure what I believe in, but I think there is some merit to the ideas NAMBLA proposes. Also, Im a female.

Any thoughts on this interdimensionalobserver? Is it wrong that I had sexual encounters as a child, and my mind is NOT wounded? Does that make me a bad person? If I do not see myself as a bad person, and I do not see the men who were sexual with me as bad people, then who are you or anyone else to say they or I are bad? Interesting huh.

Im definitely not saying all sexual encounters are ok. Certainly, rape is bad. Any time sex is forced it is bad. I'd just like society to recognize that some of the sexual encounters are not bad, and maybe we should promote and regulate the good kinds. Because for ME, personally, the outside TELLING me it was bad is what damaged me the most (in a quite crippling way, which Im lucky to have overcome). And I think this happens to a lot of people who otherwise would have been able to function fine. Just something to think about.

agree! counselors are ********!

Wow, someone else shares my thoughts that I am very careful and guarded to eppress.

1 More Response

When I was 9, i was touched for the first time by a girl my own age. when I was 10 i wanted to feel it again, and i did by my grandpa. I feel bad because I enjoyed it. sometimes i wanted it, but didn't know why. I love my grandpa to this day, I don't feel any resent towards him at all. he's the greatest man ever. I still think back though and i keep regretting the fact that i liked it. it was only touching too. I think it was because i was thinking about my first experience with the girl. but I can't help but cringe when I think back.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's OK to have enjoyed sex that is not accepted by society. The label of abuse makes it seem much worse than it really is. Don't let some counselor make more out of this than it was. Sex at that age is forbidden but if no physical harm resulted it is OK. Just let it be a part of your past and don't worry about it.

nothing wrong with enjoying a touch. If you liked it and wanted it at the time nothing wrong with it. Just the age. If you added 10 years to both numbers the councllor would say the same thing he took advantage of you because he older.

i had basically the same experience... But it was 4 different people over the span of several years... Age 6-10... I know what u mean when u say u feel bad because u enjoyed it... I did too.. Im 36 and part of me still fantasizes about it... I dont know if u ever get over it... Or feel ''normal'' all i can say is ur not alone... A lot of abused people liked it... But ur counselor is right... Its the way humans are wired... Its not ur fault... Good luck. Take care of urself... Dont beat urself up over it! Dont get a name on ur ankle unless its ur own, ur child, ur parent name. U will most likely regret it n the future... Just get a butterfly, flower or something... Not a guys name! I carved a guys name n my leg when i was 13... I havent seen him in 20 years! He turned out to b a jerk! Good luck!

Its my brothers name :) Actual brother not this former step brother. Thanks for your kind words though