I Loved My Uncle

As for what i remember i always felt attracted to my uncle.
He was a soldier and later for some time a cop.
He was very muscular and had an awesome body when i was 6 i remember i always wanted to be with him , he was my hero and i liked so much when he hugged me.

The problem with him was that he was depressed and started doing drugs and destroying himself.
He started having a lot of issue and passed from being a guy everyone liked to a guy everybody hated and avoided.

The abuses started on that period , when i got in shower he used to come inside and make me tickles and he once touched me.
I wont lie , i liked it and i was so curious i wanted to feel more and so one night i entered his room while he was asleep and woked him up by touching him ... you can guess what happened next.

In the following days he used to wait till i got out of the shower and played a bit with me on the bed.

For some years it al stopped since i went away.
When i came back i was 12 and he had degenerated even more , he was either sleeping or eating and hes body from strong and muscular had becomed chubby and ruined.

I felt so bad for him and actually hoped he was dead ... untill one day i found him outside of the house drunk , he asked me to go near to him and i got somehow excited , he notice it and started touching me.
I immediatly liked it and lied down with him.
The day after i seated on his legs so he would fondle me and at that time the maid that worked for my grandmother started abusing me as well ... funny thing is she was more intrusive of my uncle , and he didnt know anithing about me and him .... i was experiencing two things so different and confusing but i was more scared of her to be honest.

I started hiding my uncles ciggarettes and asking him to play with me in exchange ... all the time i hugged him and tried to kiss him but he woudent let me.

Another bunch of years went by and i returned i was 19 , i had removed everithing that happened with my uncle and instead focuesed on playing dumb with my grandmothers maid who was older than me for like 6 years , i started to feel attracted to women back than.

My uncle had degenerate even more and one night while i was outside smoking alone he came along , all half stoned and started talking me about what i begged him to do to me when i was 12.

I runned away crying and closed in myself.

I had sex with my grandmothers maid , hoping that would make me "normal" ... you can guess how stupid i was.

I later went to a counsellor and that was the biggest mistake i ever did.
He treated me like i was completely nuts , started talking about how i was being manipulated and stuff and making me exaples of how that may ruing my sexual life.

I was so scared i runned away from the terapist and in that same year i started to act promiscuos.
I was so angry at everithing and i just tought i was some kind of waste. I started to smoke pot with friends and at times i went with older man while still keeping my image of perfectly good straight guy.

I remember that feelings i had where ruining my life and making me think of even more degenerating ways to waste my body till i met another abuse victim. He was ok to talk about hes story that was so much more horrible than mine and when i asked how could it be possible that he was so "ok" he told me he had accepted hes past , the past dosent say who we are but it becomes a part of us he told me.

At the end i realized what was the truth ... i was gay/bi since i was extremely young and i felt in love with my uncle.
I know its stupid but that was the truth i wanted him a lot i loved him but i knew nothing about sex , relations sexuality......

I have accepted myself and i have accepted that what happened to me wasent right but it wasent either something that was so horible to spoil my entire life.

I loved my uncle but i was too young for that , i at times wish he werent my family and i had the chance to meet him now that im older.

I still enjoy to be submitted during sexual relations and i admit im quite the s lut .... but the rest of my life is going on well.

I learned that sexuality does not dictated our life.

As for my uncle he is now completely demented ... i feel sorry for him , someway he was a victim of the drugs and the horrible things that happened to him when he was in the army.
That dosent justify him for what hed done .... but than again it happened and im ok with it ... past is past.
NadalAdal NadalAdal
26-30, M
2 Responses May 20, 2012

So sorry about the bad things. But also I'm happy for you about the good things you felt.

Dont feel sorry my friend ... it felt good and what feels good cant be wrong.
At the end what my uncle and also my therapist did where the right thing ... i see now what im becoming and ... i love it... its so right.

Truth be told i enjoyed it a lot and i get excited still up today thinking about it.<br />
I was in love and on some level im still am but i admit that after talking with my tarapist i started to feel fu**ed up.<br />
<br />
I kinda dont think he did something wrong since i begged him for it ...<br />
<br />
If your up for it im open to suggestions in private im on EP because im quite puzzled about how i should feel ...