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Unchecked Regrets

When I was a little girl, I used to think life would be so much easier once I got older.  Now that I am older, it seems like life just keeps getting harder and harder.  Why is that?  Can anyone tell me? 
 
Is it because we realize that every choice we make is tied to a consequence?  (A consequence that we might not fully understand for years to come)  Is it because we realize life gets shorter with each day that we put behind us?  Is it because we are still searching for those things that we believe will make us happy and we realize we aren’t any closer to finding them or being able to have them than we were 5, 10, or even 20 years ago?    Is it simply because as children, we didn’t realize how truly carefree we were and even those small things seemed tantamount?
 
Or is it because we have regrets that we can’t put to rest?  Regrets, that if left unchecked, can eat us alive and keep us from enjoying what goodness we do have in our lives.  Regrets that are so tied to life choices and consequences that we can’t seem to move forward into our own futures, we can’t move backward for a ‘do-over’, so we end up being stuck in the same muddy rut year after year.
 
If it is those regrets…..how do we learn to let go and move forward?  How can we find peace while we still have time to enjoy it?  How do we learn to live with the knowledge that the decisions made in the folly of our youth are the ones that are now breaking our hearts today?  How do we learn to forgive our own selves for being the ones, by our own foolish choices, that have caused us the most pain?
 
I ask these questions of you because I have one such regret.  It seemed inconsequential at the time – years ago – but that is now literally tearing me apart and threatening to destroy all that is me.
 
If anyone really understands how to put those old regrets in their place to find peace and happiness, please tell me.  I need to understand so I can begin to repair and move forward. 
LadyBronte LadyBronte 46-50, F 7 Responses Jun 1, 2010

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I know its a bad habit to play the 'what if' game. Maybe someday I'll get past that. Hopefully....right?

I live by the saying or actual I kindda made that up as the yrs goes by... " I can't change the past but, I can control the present" <br />
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Does the past still hunts me? sure it does....But, I would not play the game of "what if"<br />
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Do I feel sorry for myself at times ...yes!.....<br />
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But, some how I manage to revolve into this peaceful being ...that people are amazed to how I can remine calm and give out that soothing vibe.

Thanks Jenga1 - you are right and most of the time I can manage to get past things. There's only a couple regrets I have been unable to move past. Not sure when/if that will happen. Thanks for your kind words.

What I find truly comforting when it comes to past regrets, is my own self-talk: that things happen for a reason, even if I don't know (or will not ever know) what that reason is; acknowledge what I actually learned from that experience; be so gracious as to forgive myself and by doing so lift the burden off my shoulders.

You are right mm, but sometimes it is hard to keep a positive attitude. We gather so much baggage in the years we live and sometimes it seems impossible to let go of all the past hurts and experiences. The only thing we can do is strive to make the positive changes we know are necessary inour lives and hope for the best. Thanks for your post.

yesterday is a memory tomorrow a mystery today is a gift and that's why we call it the present. There are many who have damaged their health through drink and drugs some learn to live with the knowledge they survived this period in their life and appreciate what they have and what they have achieved in turning their lives round some use their experiences to help others do the same. Some continue as before and end their lives prematurely. We cannot change what has been but we can live today as if its the first day of the rest of our lives because it happens to be true. Live your life to the full today tomorrow will take care of yourself. We in the west have so much that we tend to forget how really fortunate we are. In some parts of the world families only eat 4 out of 7 days because they have nothing we would become depressed and cry they accept life as it is

Thanks for your reply ATSF. I understand what you are saying, yet sometimes, the road is long and I'm tired.