I Was a Bit Younger
I was a bit younger than 12 when I realized all the teachings of the catholic school, my grandmother and mothers stories etc made absolutely no sense. Every question was answered with: It's in the Bible...but nobody could ever find it, or You have to listen to God...but if he spoke to me then I was just hearing things and probably needed medication because God doesn't really speak to people unless you are in his special circle of friends.
Nature made sense. Feeling the spirit of and rhythm of nature, caring for it and having it care for you seemed more believable and reliable than trying to please a being whose rules were unclear and whose voice couldn't really be heard.
It never made sense to me that a God would do such humanistic things like having phantom sex with a human girl to create a human child that would change some of the original rules he made, then allow him to be tortured and killed. His own child? That is not really a father I would want. That is not much better than any human father who gets a woman pregnant then leaves her to care alone for the child, then interfereing sometime later so that mom suddenly becomes really unimportant and the absent father who never had anything to do with the child suddenly is the man to follow...then he allows him to be killed off?....nope still don't get it and not so sure I really want to go to heaven anyhow. The earth made sense to me my whole life. I'm pretty happy with the idea of following the rhythm of nature, I'm born, I lived, when I die I'll return to the earth and will feed the earth from beneath. My natural energy will go somewhere...where that is I don't know and really don't need to know but it still makes more sense than floating somewhere to some kind of place that makes no sense.