Living In The Shadow Of The Ow

It has been 2 years now since I got my husband to confess to me that he was emotionally involved with another woman whom he met before we did (and they can’t be together because the woman had a boyfriend, which makes me think that I am my husband’s second choice.) Although my husband was sincere about saving our marriage and we’ve since (the confession) gave birth to our son who is 10 months old now, I am still thinking about this incident EVERYDAY, and am living in the shadow of this affair and this other woman. I find that I am like obsessed with her, I looked her up on the internet, wondering every little details about the time they spent together, am comparing myself to her as well. This has changed my life completely and hinders my marriage. I used to be a happy and bright girl, and now I am just so obsessed with her. My husband doesn’t know this side about me, I haven’t told him, because I felt shame on what I do, and its like showing my weakness. I absolutely hate being like this, this has turned me into a bitter person inside. I hate her to guts obviously, but can’t help looking her up and comparing myself with her. This has hindered my marriage (I am the type that wants to give 100%) I want my old life back, I know I can’t erase memories, can anyone help me here or any suggestions or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated, so that I know I am not alone. Thank you for the opportunity for me to share.
Shadow111z Shadow111z
31-35, F
1 Response Nov 29, 2012

When I was married my wife cheated on me, you have to be honest with him and tell him what is really going on in your head and heart. I can tell you already are resenting him because of it and he probably is clueless because he thinks you have forgiven him. If you talk to him openly about it maybe he can help you to truly forgive him and realize there is nothing for you to compare yourself to her. If he wanted her he wouldn't be there with you. We all make mistakes and you can never forget something like that but you HAVE to forgive or it will eat you up from the inside out.

thank you it's warm feeling knowing there are people understand my feelings. I know all the theories that I should forgive and move on, but this is easier said than done. It's hard to bring it up with my husband again because he nener talk too much about it and I can feel that he doesn't like me talking too much about it and it's awkward for us both when I was acting fine all these time n gave birth to our son etc then all of a sudden I m telling him I'm sad again I haven't really got over it?! I keep thinking n wonders if I will ever get over this. You were right my husband might think I have already forgiven him n moved on now.
So can I ask, if I do talk to him, how should I do it as in what should I request from my husband ? I m sorry I m just confused I don't know what should I do can I live with it keep it all inside myself n not let this interferes our life or should I spit it out.... I just know that when I think about this my heart still hurts.