Is It Me???

Ive been married for 8 years and have 3 lovely children.Through out my marriage my husband I have always felt as though I will never be good enough for mu husband, Why?? My husband led a double life on the internet-mainly Flickr, he posed as a single male - who stated on his profile that he was more than happy being single!! Thats not too bad, I guess, but then i found that he had over a 100 female and male friends but they were all into spanking and posted naked pictures of themselves, my husband started up several groups, basically he commented on all women and men in a sexual nature.I found several emails from young girls and women, my husband clearly liked these alot, I have my suspisions he met or at least spoke to a few!
I confronted my husband and he denied it all, even though i showed him the sites and emails, eventually he owned up and said it is harmless and why am i making a fuss!? He couldnt see that I was hurt and that he made me feel like a big, fay ugly nobody.Needless to say it was turned around to blame me, i didint spank him or recieve spanking, I love my husband and after lots of arguing and talking eventually, we stayed together but he didnt go on the net(well in the house), and we ventured into the spanking game.I must admit it was ok, I enjoyed spanking him.Things seemed to get back to a happy state for several years.

So why am i writing now??
My husband has been acting odd aginn, he gets very angry with me, doesnt touch me, says he dislikes kissing and our sex life has gone.He cuddles me but thats all. I have tried to talk to him but it doesnt help.I feel so lonely.Tonight i went on the inernet and have found that he has been looking at naked very sexy women on facebook.I felt my heart fall into my stomach and dont know what to do, I said that if i find out he does anything like before it again that were over, but now hes done it ?!!I cant move out i have 3 kids and no family or friends, he wont go, i know hw wont.He obviously doesnt want me and i feel very very ugly and very fat, is it my fault, i think it is, maybe im a rubbish wife or maybe we should never of got back together after the first time.Leopards dont change thier spots, do they?
UI havent spoke to him yet as i know he'll deny it and argure with me.He always leaves me and says such hurtful thinbgs like he doesnt love me or want me but later says of course i love you but im not sure anymore, i think hes with me out of habit.

Dont know what to do, so confused and begining to hate myself.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 8, 2013