Part 2.
As the months passed, I found myself often in ‘trouble’ with my new love. She would be angry with me and I would wonder what I had done to make her mad. I would turn our last conversation over and over in my head trying to find the problem. Usually it was unclear. Then she would confront me and tell me how thoughtless I was an how obviously I didn’t care about her to treat her this way. "Huh? But sweetie - I would take a bullet for you! I have been in love only 5 times in my life. Two I married. You are the fifth. And the last.“
But it was no good. Break up. Make up. I disappointed her time and again. She would miss me and we’d try again. I measured and watched every word with her. It was no help. Each time some new offense would lead her away from me. She would miss me and return.
Finally, right before Valentines Day, she broke up with me. I gave her a couple of days, as usual, then tried to patch things up.
“You don’t get it do you!” she yelled. "I broke up with you!”
“But if you give me another chance, I know I can make you happy. I love you so dearly.”
“Its too late. I’ve found someone else. Don’t feel bad. I’ve fallen in love only twice in my life and one of those times I married him. We got divorced.”
What was she trying to tell me? Was I the second time she was in love? I hoped hat was what she was trying to say. Fond someone else? Its only been a couple of days?
“But I got you a Valentines Day gift.”
“OK fine we can get together to exchange gifts, but I am seeing someone else now. I prayed about it. I made my peace with breaking up with you.”
"You prayed about it? I guess there’s not much I can say to beat that.”
"When do you want to get together to exchange gifts?”
“Never mind. I’ll mail it to you. You don’t need to go out and get anything for me. I don’t really need the humiliation of a pity gift from someone else’s valentine.”
“But we can still be friends and hang out together, right? I don’t think I could stand not having you as a friend in my life. You’re so much fun!”
“I don’t think I can do that right now.”
“OK, then maybe in a week or two?”
“Then when?”
“Someday. Maybe.”
“That sounds like a very long time from now. I will wait. Your friendship means that much to me.”
“Take care of yourself. I hope you are happy. Goodbye.”
****. She was gone. She had found someone else. In no time at all!
How did I let this happen? Again.
No, I wasn’t the second person she had ever loved. She was trying to tell me how rarely she fell in love so I shouldn’t feel bad that she never had those feelings for me.
I would have done anything for her. Anything. You want to have kids even though I already have them? You got it! Move to another city? No problem! Get rid of my beloved dog? For you, yes. And yet that somehow never reached her. She always felt unloved.
That was many years ago.
Did I dream the whole thing?
She is married now. They have a family together. From what I hear, he disappoints her too. Maybe not as often as I did. Or maybe she has been in love three times now. I don’t know. We still aren’t friends. That ‘someday, maybe’ has not gotten here yet.
My fifth time in love. I was right about one thing. She was my last.
Spaneele Spaneele
1 Response Aug 18, 2014

I really feel for you. I was in the same situation years ago, I lover her so much, I thought we really had a good thing going, but she dumped me, only to get dumper herself. I tried to move on, she eventually married, only to an abuser, she stays with him. About 10 yeas ago, we bumped into one another at a WalMart. Surprise, it was like we never split up. She told me what a mistake she had made, but now with family, kids and so forth, she is making the best of a bad situation. I am in the same predicament. After many years, I really don't think one gets over a real love, we learn to cope.

What a terrible experience for both of you at Walmart! Terrible for you as it creates what might have been feelings; one you should have won! And terrible for her because now she lives her life knowing she missed the best thing she ever had. So sorry for both of you. As you can tell from the above, I know how you (both) feel. Of course, she could still make it right...