I Remember My First Crossdressing Experience
When I was five years old, my four year old sister had a yellow and white dress. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was the colour of sunshine with puffy shoulders, a scooped neck and a ruffled hemline.
One day I watched my mother clean this dress and put it away in the closet. As soon as her back was turned I pushed a chair into the bedroom and climbed up to get the dress. I took it off the hanger and admired the softness of the material and I still to this day remember the smell of the fabric, so fresh and clean!
I ******** down to my underwear and started to pull the dress over my head. I got it just past my shoulders and it got stuck! It was over my head and I couldn’t see! My arms couldn’t move! I was trapped and I panicked!
I don’t remember if it was Mom or Dad that got to me first and pulled the dress off of me, but I do remember both of them looking down at me with angry, scolding faces.
“What are you doing?”
“Boys don’t wear dresses!”
“What are you, a sissy?”
I was scolded and punished and made to feel belittled and ashamed.
Now it is well over 40 years later. I feel good about my sexuality and who I am. I live in a nice house by myself, my girlfriend lives in another town not far away and my boyfriend lives on the other side of town, just across the river. They know about each other and have even met.
When we play and sometimes when we go out, I will put on a skirt, top, stockings, heels and a bit of makeup. I feel sexy and feminine and all is right with the world, but as soon as I put on a dress, I get the same feelings of shame that I had as a five year old.
I find it amazing that an event from so far in the past shaped the person I am today. I consider myself to be a strong person and I wonder what would become of a person who is not so strong if they had been forced to repress their sexuality and, ultimately, who they are. For me it is just a feeling of guilt and shame when I put on a dress, others could possibly act out in a dangerous manner. I am thinking now of those pictures released after his arrest of Russ Williams wearing a bra. I can’t help but wonder if he was scolded as a child for not being his parents Idea of what a boy should be.
One day I watched my mother clean this dress and put it away in the closet. As soon as her back was turned I pushed a chair into the bedroom and climbed up to get the dress. I took it off the hanger and admired the softness of the material and I still to this day remember the smell of the fabric, so fresh and clean!
I ******** down to my underwear and started to pull the dress over my head. I got it just past my shoulders and it got stuck! It was over my head and I couldn’t see! My arms couldn’t move! I was trapped and I panicked!
I don’t remember if it was Mom or Dad that got to me first and pulled the dress off of me, but I do remember both of them looking down at me with angry, scolding faces.
“What are you doing?”
“Boys don’t wear dresses!”
“What are you, a sissy?”
I was scolded and punished and made to feel belittled and ashamed.
Now it is well over 40 years later. I feel good about my sexuality and who I am. I live in a nice house by myself, my girlfriend lives in another town not far away and my boyfriend lives on the other side of town, just across the river. They know about each other and have even met.
When we play and sometimes when we go out, I will put on a skirt, top, stockings, heels and a bit of makeup. I feel sexy and feminine and all is right with the world, but as soon as I put on a dress, I get the same feelings of shame that I had as a five year old.
I find it amazing that an event from so far in the past shaped the person I am today. I consider myself to be a strong person and I wonder what would become of a person who is not so strong if they had been forced to repress their sexuality and, ultimately, who they are. For me it is just a feeling of guilt and shame when I put on a dress, others could possibly act out in a dangerous manner. I am thinking now of those pictures released after his arrest of Russ Williams wearing a bra. I can’t help but wonder if he was scolded as a child for not being his parents Idea of what a boy should be.
By:
qweerone
Age:
41-45
,
Male
2
responses
