My First Real Girlfriend

This is the continuation of "My Actual First Girlfriend." It mentions the first girl I had any kind of real relationship with - as opposed to the girl that was technically my first girlfriend.

The second (and to date only other) girlfriend I had was a little more noteworthy, although even with her, I barely had a relationship. I was actually with her off and on a few times during high school (I can count a total of four instances when I considered her my girlfriend). The first happened shortly after tenth grade started. The same friend that originally told me about the first girlfriend told me of another possibility (I won't reveal her real name, but we'll call her Sharon). I said to go ahead and introduce us. So later that day, she did, and I considered her my girlfriend. But about a week later, I found out that she already had a boyfriend and didn't consider me as such. Needless to say, just like the other relationship, there was no "official" breakup, so the relationship unofficially ended.

Now, the most notable relationship we had was more than a year later when I was in eleventh grade. It started when I was watching a high school football game, and I saw Sharon. She seemed friendly toward me, and we engaged in some small talk. Finally, she gave me a hug, and it made me wonder if she had any interest in me. The events in the following weeks strengthened my suspicions. She continued to hug me when we met in the halls, and once when we waited in line at lunch, she put her arm on my shoulder! I never had a girl do that with me before! Then, two days later, she said that we would be boyfriend and girlfriend. I couldn't have been more excited! Later that day, I went down the hall looking for her, when all of a sudden, someone whooshed by and grabbed me by the arm. It was Sharon! There were also various cues she gave that made me realize she liked me. Those faded within a week or two of us being together, though.

I had my first kiss and my first date with Sharon, but as much as I hate to say it, I didn't have any real feelings for her. I just wanted someone I could call my girlfriend (and she was barely even my friend). I regret doing that now, though, as it was shallow on my part. Plus, I didn't think we were really compatible as a couple. Apparently, Sharon must have felt the same way, as at the beginning of November, I could tell something was wrong with our relationship (if you'd even call it one). Once at church, I told a friend that Sharon was my girlfriend, and Sharon's response was a half-hearted, "...Yyyeahhh..." A few days later, I thought she was cheating on me because I saw "Sharon & Dave 4Ever" on her binder. I asked her who Dave was, and she said she didn't know. I wrote her a rather nasty letter (which I now regret). I had a feeling this would end our relationship (it did), but I was tired of supposedly being cheated on by her. To make a long story short, we broke up near the middle of the month, made amends over the Dave incident at the beginning of December (she wasn't actually going out with him at the time), and broke up again five days (yes, five days) later. She said she just wanted to be friends. I'm still not really clear why she dumped me, but she probably just wasn't interested in me.

Fast forward to my first days in twelfth grade. I learned that Sharon had just broken up with her boyfriend (which happened to be a friend of mine). I was at the water fountain once, and she said hi to me. Then once, in the media center, she asked me with a smile if I had her cell phone number. I had a feeling she might have been interested in resuming our relationship, but I was stupid enough not to ask her if she was interested. We did, however, consider going to the homecoming dance that year but ultimately declined for various reasons.

In February 2008 - a few months before my high school graduation, Sharon was showing signs of being interested in me yet again. This time, I decided to ask if she was interested in getting back together. I was afraid of doing so because I'd never directly asked a girl (me, myself, anyway) to be my girlfriend, but fortunately, she said yes (oddly enough one day after Valentine's Day). Unfortunately, this relationship was probably the worst of them all. I was so nervous and didn't want her to become uninterested in me, but yet, I didn't know what to say to her or how to talk about. So, the end result was that I hardly said a word to her (I wasn't trying to be mean, though). Finally, after more than a month, I figured we should end the relationship. I was too late, though. She already sent me a message on Myspace, telling me it was over (funnily enough, the same exact day I was going to talk to her about it).

And since then, I have never had another girlfriend - both from lack of being around prospective girls and from not being ready to get another girlfriend. It's not that the breakup emotionally crippled me, it's just that I don't know how ready I've ever been for a girlfriend. I want one but don't really know what to say to a girl or how to act, and I haven't had the right one come along yet.
CompNerd89 CompNerd89
26-30, M
1 Response Sep 20, 2011

I wouldn't be too worried about not having a girlfriend just now. You must be about 19/20 if I am correct, and it's still early times to find someone. I think that relationships are pushed in our faces all the time and we're expected to always have a girlfriend/boyfriend, but that's not the case - when you find someone you care about, which could take some time, then you're ready.

Thanks for your comment. I'm a bit older now (almost 27), but yeah, it's not too late. I agree that relationships are pushed in our faces, but to me, status doesn't matter as much to me as it used to. Quite frankly, I just long for the feeling of romantic love.