September 6th 2011

In my generation, majority of girls seem to have boyfriends in middle school, and they have certainly kissed a boy by high school. Not this girl. It isn't that I wanted to be different, but rather I wanted it to mean something. I was determined that my first kiss would be something amazing. I wanted to have an experience that I could look back on after having kids and share my story with them once they were old enough. That unfortunately didn't happen, and after 18 years, and attending a high school with only 60 kids in my grade, I felt a bit defeated. Okay, so maybe the perfect idea kiss that I had planned.. just wasn't right for me; however, I still believed that it would be great to have my first kiss with a guy who wouldn't make me regret kissing him.
It was my freshman year of college. I went to school about an hour and a half away from home. I enjoyed my freedom and a huge new class! I met a boy during welcome week and we became inseperable. He was so nice to me. We did everything together. We would go to our different classes, and as soon as we were finished with school for the day, he would come over and we'd have a snack together and do homework in my apartment. It was a great friendship. Then we started watching movies in my room at night, and we would cuddle in bed and eventually fall asleep watching the movie. I found this to be extremely cute.
Then one night we were laying in my rather small twin xl bed, in the dark, just talking with each other. He asked how I felt about kissing and I explained how i've never kissed a guy but that I want my first one to be with an amazing guy who will always be my friend and who can just understand how meaningful it is to me. He was quiet for a while and said if I was willing to give it a try, he thinks he could be that guy for me. I thought so too. We kissed rather quickly and then both started to giggle. We kissed a lot that night. It was new. It was fun. I liked him. He liked me. It was good enough for me.
Unfortunately a few weeks later he stopped talking to me. He thought I was racist and he told my roommate that he didn't think i'd like having people of color come to the room anymore. (He is African American)
Sadly, this is extremely incorrect. My roommate is African American...my best friend who also attends this university, is African American, and overall, majority of my friends are African American.
I think he had his eyes on another girl the entire time :( I really regret trusting him so easily. It has almost been a year and we still don't talk.