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My First

My first story, hope you guys like :)

It was my senior year of high school, (late bloomer I know.) I had just recently developed this crush, it was the first after many months of feeling EMPTY, no feelings about anyone or anything. We started to talk and everything was great. He was my actual first date ever. I had never been on a date with anyone before him and it felt good. He also was the first guy to ever get me a valentine's day gift, lucky me :) . It wasn't until February 18th that my BIG first happened. I had never been kissed. scratch that. I had been kissed before but I don't count that because it shouldn't have happened and the circumstances were wrong. That night though I had made up in my mind that I was going to kiss him. Yuup. My first non shy moment of my life. I was so determined I put it on twitter (in code of course) but he figured it out. He asked me and i simply said "nothing". But I knew he knew something was up, but he let it go. He was just about to leave and he grabbed my hand and I got off the couch. He had put me against the wall in the back and asked in the sweetest voice "Can I do your plan now" I answered "Maybe" and BAM! He put the softest and wet lips I have kissed (haven't kissed anyone after him actually) and I was stunned. When he walked away I wanted to walk with him but I contained myself. I didn't know how to act after that, I was thrilled. I felt this adrenaline rush, that I've never felt before and it felt GOOD. Needless to say we talked and things went sour. I can't and won't blame him cause it was equally our faults but it crushed me. It took me 6-8 weeks to get over him. My prom was terrible due to my mom, prom date, and having to see him w. some other girl. Yeah it was really rough for me. So I guess that counts as a first heartbreak too?

If this person ever sees this by some chance of fate I want you to know this:

I don't regret anything. I wish I could have spent more time with you instead of being a wuss. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't needed. I wish I could go back and change things but I can't. No matter where life takes me, you will probably never leave my memory box because too many first happened, I just can't up and forget them. I'm not sure how you are cause you don't even talk to me anymore and that's one thing I hate. You make me feel like what we had was nothing when it was everything to me. I just want you to know that I meant you no harm if I did something wrong. You honestly don't know the effect that you have had on me, you've changed me in to a better person and I thank you for that. I don't thank you however for giving up on me so easily even though I know those few months were kinda rough. But still you said you understood and I believed you but I guess you didn't understand.
beautifulmonroe beautifulmonroe 18-21, F Jul 4, 2012

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