Many Happy Returns

I recently had the privaledge of marrying my best friend.  Weeks before my wedding I began to think frequently about my first love, my high school sweetheart.  At first I thought it was probably just normal to have these thoughts and memories before such a life-altering event.  But then it began to freak me out how much I was thinking about this person from my past.  I started to worry that maybe HE was really my 'true' love and that I was marrying the wrong man.  I went so far as to seek out this former love of mine.  I was able to get an email address from mutual high school friends and sent him a letter.

I apologized for dumping all I was about to say in an email and then proceeded to explain how much I had been thinking about him recently.  What he wrote back will stay with me forever and helped me to realize that my fiance is the man I am meant to be with. 

He said that our first love is the one that creates the rules with which we define all other relationships.  He said that because we had such an amazing 'first' relationship together, he has had more fulfilling ones since then.  He said he keeps me forever in his heart and thanks me (and what we shared together) for giving him the potential for great love.

Everything he said was exactly what I was feeling inside.  I was confused about why he was at the center of my thoughts as my wedding day came closer and closer, but after reading his letter, it made sense.  He was at the forefront of my thoughts because he is the one with which I created my ability to love.  Because of him, I can give my husband a miraculous love.

And yes, the attraction to my high school sweetheart will always be there.  I don't feel guilty over such a fact.  It's ridiculous to think monogomous people don't have attractions to people other than the one they share their life with.  I just have to stay on the right side of the 'borderline' when it comes to this X-love.  I have to appreciate and love him for what he has given me and that's it.

So, maybe if you feel consumed by feelings for a past love, you should step back and look at it in a different light.  Is it possible you think of this person so often because they sparked your ability to love, and not because they are your 'true' love?  Maybe you need to take what that person gave you and turn towards a future love.  Use that spark that you got from your first love to keep your soulmate fulfilled.     

mmgnes mmgnes
26-30, F
1 Response May 24, 2007

That...was touching.