A Love That Ends Tragically But a Love That Never Ended

hi,

 my first kiss was the begining of my demise i think.

i saved my first  until iwas sixteen. passed all the spin the bottles in jr high... basically i waited. i remeber seeing him for the first time when i was 14. he was sixteen working at mr gattis. he was beutiful. i waited... and waited. .. i became a freshman and i finally got that kiss... we had a off and on relationship but that was my first true love. my first puppy love. he left me for his ex he had a kid he had responsiblities but i never gave up on him. we got back together 2 years later. ... perfect. he drove me homeone night when i was drunk and when  he left he hit a tree.... died instantly ... this is what might have started my guilt... but it could have started along time ago.... i cant really remember when it began  this worthless, guilty feeling but it remains etched in my soul. and i want it to be released. .......i dont know what is causing my pain. or ambivolence. i just want to talk. it hurts.

merezie merezie
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 9, 2007

I am so sorry that you had to deal with something so heartbreaking. I cannot even imagine how you felt and still feel. Moving on must seem impossible to you because of your guilt and the fact that you had no real closure. You have probably heard this hundreds of times but you need to know that you should feel no guilt. I believe that everything happens for a reason even though it might be hard to see that. You need to let go and move on. He loved you and he would want you to be happy. And again I am so sorry.