First Love, First Heartbreak

I was young, I still am, but I'm pretty mature for my age. (Back then I was too, of course). I was in 4th grade when I first started liking this person. I knew him ever since kindegarten, but I never actually thought of him in any other way than hating him. He teased me almost everday, but that faded. In 4th grade, it was near the end of the year and a bunch of girls in my classroom circled around him. They asked, ''Hey! Who do you like?!" probably a hundred times, and he didn't answer them. I was minding my own business doing whatever I was doing and I looked over at them and then I saw him smiling at me, blushing like crazy, probably from the embarassment. But one of my friends came over to me and said ''GUESS WHAT! HE LIKES YOU'' (I won't be using a name, so I'll just call this guy Lame-o. Just kidding, I'll call him Billy. :P) I was pretty speechless. I didn't know what to do, I was only a 4th grader! So I did what a wimp would do, I avoided him up until the last week of school. We had yearbook signings, and I got up the courage to ask him to sign mine. He didn't do anything wrong, so I thought why not? So he did. And also gave me his housenumber. I never called him though d:
I started crushing on him that following summer. I told my friend and she began freaking out.
5th grade came, he found out I liked him. We had so many great, funny moments. But there's so many, that I don't feel like typing it down. He teased me even more though. And he unfortunately didn't come to the dance during Valentine's Day for the school. I was upset, but I still liked him. We were so crazy. We couldn't even speak to each other. We were so shy! I liked the way he would flirt though. I think the teasing did just the trick.
Middleschool came. I still had the same feelings for him. I was trying to figure out who I'd become in middleschool. I wanted to be in a certain crowd. I wasn't a leader, I was a follower. And I wanted to be somewhat the cool emo kid that doesn't care. The emo kid that was pretty much 'in love' with a guy she hasn't spoken to. What did I know about love? Absolutely nothing. I was so stupid. I actually got pretty jealous whenever a girl started flirting with him. And it wasn't even the first day of school yet. It was just one of those open house days. I was pretty devastated. I got over that. More people, more girls, and more guys. I still 'loved' him. I wasn't sure how he felt, but I had some feeling that he still liked me. I think I was wrong, who knows. He ended up liking two of my friends. Went out with both of them. One of them went out with him because of a bet and I just thought that it was really stupid. But I didn't tell him. Maybe he knew already. She broke up with him soon though, and that was when I couldn't take it anymore, and I asked him out.
Everyone was in a rush, changing classes. And his reply, "What? I don't know."
Yeah. Bummer, eh? Stupid, stupid boy.
I was pretty depressed for a while. He even messaged me online a little, but that was after. . . a week or two? He was asking me out for his friend. I denied, because I didn't know his friend. Then he asked me out, but it was as a joke. I regret saying yes, because it made me sound so desperate and vulnerable. I hate that. A few days later after getting rejected to one of my friends, he asked me out again. This time, I thought about it. And asked my friends what I should do. They said to reject. But I somehow couldn't. Young and naive. Very, naive. One week of this so called 'dating'. We didn't talk to each other. Snuck a peak, maybe. That was it.
It was the yearbook signing day and I told myself I'd talk to him. After and hour of my friends pushing me to him, I finally said an awkard Hi. And he said Hey. And that was the end of it. About 30 minutes later, his friends said that he wanted me to go sit with him, but I didn't want to. I was still shy, and told them why couldn't he sit with me? The kept begging me, and I finally gave in. When I did, I made a huge mistake. This stupid idiot made me sit beside him, and without warning, made a mark with a pen on my face. I was PISSED and embarassed. I ran to the bathroom without permission. And he and his two friends followed. I got out of the bathroom after the mark and he followed, yet again. They called my name, I looked back and ignored. They called again, I just ignored. I walked back into the place and I saw a teacher talking to them, Busted?
I didn't break up with him though. He broke up with me as soon as he got online. Told me that he just 'couldn't do it' because his friend was so in love and obsessed with me. Told me to do him a favor and go out with his friend. I totally blew up. That was so much BULL. I lost my mind, but stood my ground. He used that old line ''but we can still be friends''. I said ''HA. We can't even talk. How in the freakin world are we going to be friends?! You're such an ***." (My real responces were worst than that, don't worry.) And I guess that's the end of it. I learned to get over everything that summer. Any tears? Yeah. But those were worthless, so whatever. I couldn't talk to him for months, but I recently learned that I can be around him with nothing awkard anymore. I can be around him and actually look at him without blushing. I can look at him without being ashamed, and I can look at him and laugh, because he walks like a gorilla. And me and my friends just make insiders on ''how cool'' he thinks he is. Yeah, huge lesson learned. Worst memory ever, but life goes on. I learned how to talk to him again. And it's all okay.
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Jul 11, 2010