She Is Still With Me After All The Years
I met her in college, 33 years ago. I fell her her like no one I ever thought could. But I was young, stupid, inexperienced. I had no idea what to do, She tried, I just kept making mistakes. She ended up leaving. My heart was broken. We drifted apart, but still I would get a call now and then..we tried to go out...still not smart enough to know what to do. Every girl I went out with I compared to her...none made the grade. I was still stupid. Then when I was about to leave town for a new job, I went to a place for lunch I never had been before. leaving...there she was. I saw her but didn't recognize her at first, I just stared at this girl who was staring back at me. At the office, I could stop thinking about her, then the phone rang..it was her. My heart raced. we agreed to meet after work and did. She was married. My heart was broken once again. I left town but still stayed in touch with her. Her marriage was on the rocks…my heart raced again. I moved back into town. We ended up having an affair. I was in dream world, incredibly in love. She separated from her husband and I was ready to be there. She, of course, was going through turmoil. I didn't understand, I tried to hold on tightly. she pulled away harder. It ended badly. My heart was broken again. She moved on, I didn't. a couple of years later, the new phone book came out. I looked up her name and found it. I was scared to call but excited. I planned for days what I would say. Then the day came, I waited until the right time, staring at the phone, ready...and it rang. Yep...it was her. she was thinking about me and had to call. My heart raced, could I really have another chance. We went out, it was wonderful, but... it again ended. Only reason I could remember was that I probably pressured her too much. My heart was broken again. A year later she called and told me she was leaving town. It chilled me, my heart still hurt, but she was gone. Surprisingly, I met my wife a couple of weeks later. yes, I got a message from my first love every now and then for about a year. then nothing. I never could get her out of my mind. Seven years later, married, I go to help a guy move out of the same house I use to live in. A car pulls in..and of course it was her. Yes she was married again, two kids, and a husband that was an ***. We exchanged addresses, talked about what was going on in our lives. I just couldn't get her out of my mind. My world started caving in. Yes my heart hurt. For years I would think about her, hoping she was alright. My marriage was faltering, hard to say why. We just stopped trying. But I was holding on...I didn't want to quit, my wife didn't want to quit. We're just going through life living like room mates. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being with my wife, we have fun on vacation, going out, and even working together. That just makes us friends and nothing more. All I could do is think about my one true love. Now, after 33 years since the first time I saw my first love, I get a friend request from her on face book. Yes, I also googled her and look to see if she was on face book. Yes I did find her, but I was not going to disrupt her life. But now again my heart raced. We started chatting and texting. Her marriage was pretty much over, her husband lived in a different part of the house. They were only together because of the children. I kept thinking that maybe I would have one more chance to get it right. I'm now 53, she's 51. In our talks and chats it's like we were in on 20's. But we live in different worlds. We have different lives. 1000 miles away from each other. Both unhappily married. I care so much for my wife...it's just not love. My long lost love wants out of her marriage, but as she says, does not have the backbone. But she has also been working on getting out. I have never been so depressed. This kind of relationship rarely works.. Too much distance...too different in the way we live, still I hold on to hope. The story continues....not sure how it will end. I'm just a hopeless romantic still in love with my first love. Breath in...breath out.