She Is Still With Me After All The Years

I met her in college, 33 years ago. I fell her her like no one I ever thought could. But I was young, stupid, inexperienced. I had no idea what to do, She tried, I just kept making mistakes. She ended up leaving. My heart was broken. We drifted apart, but still I would get a call now and then..we tried to go out...still not smart enough to know what to do. Every girl I went out with I compared to her...none made the grade. I was still stupid. Then when I was about to leave town for a new job, I went to a place for lunch I never had been before. leaving...there she was. I saw her but didn't recognize her at first, I just stared at this girl who was staring back at me. At the office, I could stop thinking about her, then the phone was her. My heart raced. we agreed to meet after work and did. She was married. My heart was broken once again. I left town but still stayed in touch with her. Her marriage was on the rocks…my heart raced again. I moved back into town. We ended up having an affair. I was in dream world, incredibly in love. She separated from her husband and I was ready to be there. She, of course, was going through turmoil. I didn't understand, I tried to hold on tightly. she pulled away harder. It ended badly. My heart was broken again. She moved on, I didn't. a couple of years later, the new phone book came out. I looked up her name and found it. I was scared to call but excited. I planned for days what I would say. Then the day came, I waited until the right time, staring at the phone, ready...and it rang. was her. she was thinking about me and had to call. My heart raced, could I really have another chance. We went out, it was wonderful, but... it again ended. Only reason I could remember was that I probably pressured her too much. My heart was broken again. A year later she called and told me she was leaving town. It chilled me, my heart still hurt, but she was gone. Surprisingly, I met my wife a couple of weeks later. yes, I got a message from my first love every now and then for about a year. then nothing. I never could get her out of my mind. Seven years later, married, I go to help a guy move out of the same house I use to live in. A car pulls in..and of course it was her. Yes she was married again, two kids, and a husband that was an ***. We exchanged addresses, talked about what was going on in our lives. I just couldn't get her out of my mind. My world started caving in. Yes my heart hurt. For years I would think about her, hoping she was alright. My marriage was faltering, hard to say why. We just stopped trying. But I was holding on...I didn't want to quit, my wife didn't want to quit. We're just going through life living like room mates. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being with my wife, we have fun on vacation, going out, and even working together. That just makes us friends and nothing more. All I could do is think about my one true love. Now, after 33 years since the first time I saw my first love, I get a friend request from her on face book. Yes, I also googled her and look to see if she was on face book. Yes I did find her, but I was not going to disrupt her life. But now again my heart raced. We started chatting and texting. Her marriage was pretty much over, her husband lived in a different part of the house. They were only together because of the children. I kept thinking that maybe I would have one more chance to get it right. I'm now 53, she's 51. In our talks and chats it's like we were in on 20's. But we live in different worlds. We have different lives. 1000 miles away from each other. Both unhappily married. I care so much for my's just not love. My long lost love wants out of her marriage, but as she says, does not have the backbone. But she has also been working on getting out.  I have never been so depressed. This kind of relationship rarely works.. Too much distance...too different in the way we live, still I hold on to hope. The story continues....not sure how it will end. I'm just a hopeless romantic still in love with my first love. Breath in...breath out.
fishingtime fishingtime
3 Responses Jan 3, 2011

I finally met after all these years. It was wonderful. She was stunning. Her husband moved out. She is now trying to make ends meet. The kids college, her training, her career. There really isn't any room for anyone else...or maybe just me. No, I believe not for anyone. I now believe it is my fault for letting my imagination get away from me. She said she never wanted to lead my on...I believe that. Again, I have a tendency to see more than there is. So the dream dies...although I still wonder a few years...maybe...There I go hurting myself. But what if after a few years she does call and I'm with someone...will the same thing happen. Another hit and run. Another ruined relationship. Have to say this....but I will be seeking therapy. another adventure. <br />
Still alone...feeling hopeless.<br />
Breath in...breath out.

Oh my many emotions right now! Your story is so much like mine. I haven't posted yet because it seemed so long and complicated. I met my love in 1978, high school. He was charming, handsome and funny and I had never had that kind of attention. It was the greatest love...he knew me so well. But, we broke up. He joined the military, I moved across country, but he stilled called. Said he still loved me. We just couldn't find a way to get together with the distance. Then he got married. I got married. I'd hoped it would help me get over Steve. It didn't. His marriage broke up, but I had a baby by then and we were still miles apart. We wrote letters, talked on the phone and I even saw him again. He asked me to leave my husband and marry him,but I was scared. I didn't know how. When my husband found out,he said I would never get my daughter, that I wouldn't be able to move to where Steve lived. I had to choose. That was 24 years ago.<br />
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My marriage is much like yours...friends. He says he loves me,but we have very little in common. We argue a lot about the kids and what I would like to change about our relationship. There is no passion.<br />
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Lately, I have had a lot of thoughts/daydreams about Steve. Usually this means he is too. But his second wife is very controlling and she doesn't like me :-) He is not on Facebook so I just keep dreaming. I'm shedding a few tears for us my friend...I hope we can both find our way to TRUE LOVE one day!

It's not easy. I analyze my feelings, the relationship...a lot. I would never ask her to leave her marriage..marriage is sacred to me. It's why it's so difficult for me.
As an update, we don't talk or chat much anymore. She found a job and has become more independent. Her husband said he wouldn't divorce her until the kids are out of school. She says that they would like to see mom seperate but she stays. My thoughts are is she is not happy. I came around at the right time and helped her through that period in her life. Now she is "busy". With any other person I would have understood what that means, but with her I still hold on to hope.
I bet we both have heard that in marriage, love dwindles or fades a bit. The marriages that last are the ones of friendship, compassion, caring, a partner in life. I have been seperated for a year and still care deeply for my wife and support her in every way I can. We're still friends. Is that what it's all about? I got to believe there is something more but if not....will I be unhappy the rest of my life? There are moments when I think I should try to make things work with my wife but then I recall why we seperated. I haven't "dated". I somehow feel I would be cheating on my wife. There is guilt of stepping away from the marriage. I do get depressed.
The kids are the most important thing, they have to come first. You must decide what is best for them. Daydreaming about another person is common. It means we are missing something from our lives. Sometimes couceling works but only if both are committed. As long as there is no violence or abuse it may work. I hate to think that daydreaming is our our option. I truely wish you my best.

Awwwww.....that's the kind of improbable love story that I find too sweet for words! Good for you finding each other, and I hope it works out for y'all.