My Angel On Earth

Have you ever had someone to, out of the clear blue, just waltz into your life and make you feel like no one else ever has before? I have. Believe me, I have. Now, like many young teenage girls, I've been in "love" quite a few times...you know, just the typical little adolescent crushes that developed here and there when some cutie wooed me with " a totally adorable little pretty-boy smile" or "to die for eyes"...but the feelings seldom lasted an exceptionally long amount of time. With Tyler* however, it was different. When I met him three years ago, the feeling of love that I developed for him was stronger than any love I'd ever felt before. To this day, that boy is still one of the most important and treasured people in my life.

 

Tyler was fourteen years old and in the eighth grade at the small-town school that I attended as a thirteen-year-old seventh-grader. We were in the same clique, so I was around him quite a bit. At the beginning of that year, I didn't see him as anything more than just another guy that sat at the same lunch table as me and hung out with the same group of people that I did. Although I thought he was a really nice guy as well as quite attractive (in my opinion, he was worthy of a rating of twenty on a "cuteness scale" ranging from one to ten), it was not love at first sight (he was dating one of my closest girlfriends, Hailey*, at the time, and pursuing a friend's boyfriend was simply not done).

 

When Tyler ended things with Hailey in December of that year, I suddenly started to see him in a different light. Suddenly, he was more than "just one of the guys". In my state of adolescent hope, I extended my heart toward Tyler and slowly fell for him.

 

I wish I could say that he eagerly ran to catch me as I fell, that he accepted my heart with joy, that I found myself cradled safely in the arms of love. Instead, however, I found myself lying sprawled out on the cold, hard ground of rejection with the pieces of my poor, broken heart scattered meaninglessly around me. Although I was more than willing to commit to him in a romantic relationship, Tyler just wasn't interested in taking things to the next level. Unlike the majority of the other boys I had fallen for in the past, however, he actually let me down gently and helped me get to my feet and pick up the pieces of my heart.

 

I still remember that night--the night that all my walls came tumbling down. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were at gymnastics class (he was one of those guys that didn't consider it totally "queer" for guys to be involved in gymnastics), and I had just told my cousin, Mackenzie*, and several of my friends, Ellie*, Darcy*, and Janelle* (his half-sister), that I had started to feel attracted to him. Naturally, they found it hilariously funny--so funny that they just could not keep it from him as I had asked them to. The four of them practically knocked him down as they eagerly rushed to tell him of his new admirer.

 

After learning of my feelings for him, Tyler pulled me off to the side of the room to talk to me privately. Looking into my eyes with what I assume might have been a touch of sorrow in his own eyes, he softly said, "It's really cool that you like me and all, but...I think we should just stick to being friends."

 

As nice as he was being about the situation, it still crushed my heart to find that he did not feel as I did. In that instant, I felt my eyes start to sting with tears. However, I forced myself to hold them back as I (somehow) managed a slight smile and nod, said, "Okay," and then walked back over to where Mackenzie was standing. She had been watching Tyler and I as we talked, and when she had seen me smile a him (he had smiled at me as well), she had assumed that things had gone the way I had hoped they would. "So, what did he say?" she asked, clearly all set to congratulate me on getting my first boyfriend. I just shook my head slowly in reply. "I'm not going to cry," said quietly, more to myself than to her. "I'm just going to hold it all in until I get home." as I spoke, however, the tears started to fall. It was just like the world was coming to an end. I had lost in love yet another time.

 

When I arrived at school the next morning, I had already emotionally prepared myself (well...partially, anyway) to be completely avoided by Tyler, reasoning that he would probably never speak to me again now that he knew how I felt about him. To my surprise, however, that's not the way things turned out. When Tyler walked out to the courtyard after getting off the school bus, he hopped up onto the sidewalk railing next to me and slid as close as he could get. "Hey, Brittany*," he said, making his voice all deep and suave as he slipped his arm around my shoulders. My friends all laughed at the way that my cheeks went bright red as he brought his lips close to my ear and blew, sending shivers running up and down my spine.

 

His flirting continued. And continued. And continued. The ritual was basically the same every morning. I would walk over to the middle-school campus from my mom's classroom at the nearby elementary school and hang around the courtyard with my friends the way I always did. A little while later, Tyler would arrive, and he would get all close to me, blow air into my ear, call me "his sweet baby girl", blow kisses at me, and wrap his arms around me. He even developed a new way of saying my name whenever he flirted with me--pronouncing the "r" as if it were a "w"...and making me blush even more than I already did around him.

 

I guess you could say that Tyler was really a pretty good influence on me. I went from completely dreading school to actually yearning for weekends and holidays to end. Like most young teen girls, I had always cared about my looks, but that year, I became even more cautious about them. The extra caution was, of course, brought on by my hopes of impressing him.

 

At the school Valentine's dance that February, Tyler forever made the song "Burn", by Usher, special to me. I had always liked that song, but after dancing to it with him, I liked it even more. Not exactly the ideal song for a girl and her crush to dance to (what with it being about breaking up and all), I know, but that didn't matter to me at the moment. All that mattered was that I got to spend about four minutes and thirty-two seconds in his arms, breathing in the scent of his cologne, hearing him chuckle at the way that my cheeks were almost as red as the blouse I was wearing, looking into his eyes, and thinking that life just could not get any better. From that day forward, I walked around with "Burn" ringing in my head (I'm not sure if he ever noticed this, but after that night, my "buddy sound" on AOL Instant Messenger went from a portion of Usher's 'Yeah' to a part of "Burn").

 

Things went from great to horrible that May. I was walking out to the courtyard with my friend Anna* one morning about thirteen days before school was released for summer vacation, and since Tyler was already there, I was trying to "walk the walk" and "talk the talk" the way that I always did around him. When he spotted me, he stormed over and angrily told me that he had been told that I had been telling people that we were going out (the truth is, I had, but I had only told three people...and furthermore, I had actually specified that I was only joking). I swear, I will never forget the look in his gorgeous crystal blue eyes as he glared at me, saying, "Keep my name out of your mouth. I'm sick of you." I had never seen his eyes look so cold, nor had I ever heard his voice sound so harsh. I just stood looking at him for a moment, then grabbed Anna by the strap of her backpack and turned and walked away, tears streaming down my cheeks and my heart smashed to bits in my chest.

 

There is a reason that I met Tyler, loved Tyler, and lost Tyler that year. I may never know exactly what that reason is, but I do know this:  God used that boy to get through to me. Maybe it was just His way of telling me that sometimes, big things really do come in packages that are...well, that are not exactly proportional in size (Tyler wasn't exactly the biggest/tallest guy in eighth grade). It could have been to teach me just how much words can hurt. Whenever I feel like I'm about to start putting someone down, I just close my eyes momentarily and remember how I felt after all the hurtful things Tyler said to/about me during the remainder of that year. Or maybe it was just God's way of telling me that, yes, sometimes good things do happen even when you are least expecting them.

 

Whatever the reason, He blessed me with a year of both happiness and pain that I will remember for as long as I live (and by that, I'm not saying that the pain is unforgettable because I enjoyed it. I just mean that I'll never forget it because I really learned a valuable life lesson from it). Things have never been the same as they were between Tyler and I that year (and they probably never will be), but he is still one of the people I cherish most in the world. Every time I hear "Burn", he is the first thing that comes to my mind, and he is still the only person in the entire world that can get away with calling me "Bwittany". A lot of things may change in my lifetime, but I know of one thing that will forever remain the same:  Tyler was, is, and always will be my angel on Earth.

 

Boi_Crzy_75925 Boi_Crzy_75925
18-21, F
12 Responses Apr 2, 2006

I love seeing how you look back on this and focus only on the positive.

Amankwaah I do agree with u

that was very touching

You must already know that you are an excellent storyteller and writer, so I won't go into detail about that! Your words really touched my heart..dragged me back to middle school...and even made me feel like I was going to cry. I imagine you will be very successful in life. You not only have great talent, but you have passion, sincerity and you are honest with yourself. You have many qualities that people years older than you do not have (including myself!) Best of luck in love!!

That was a beautiful story. really you cause me on the first words. and while i was reading the story i was listening to All Around the World (by ATC) and wow those two (song & story) fit each other perfectly. :)

That was a beautiful story. really you cause me on the first words. and while i was reading the story i was listening to All Around the World (by ATC) and wow those two (song & story) fit each other perfectly. :)

This was a pleasure to read, even through all the pain you found peace. I'm still going through my "first" love with no idea how it will turn out. But I do hope that with whatever outcome I can do what you did, cherish the good and bad memories. Thanks so much for sharing and keep writing, you are very good.

wow, such a heartfelt story... you really are an amazing writer and thanks for sharing it with everyone =]

my first love was the most painful but yet wonderful experience. I will always have a soft spot for him.

My first love was painful as well. we were childhood sweethearts, met in school, he flirted around all of the time. when i stood near the train station and looked acrosss the tracks on the other side and saw him dancing and fooling around, my heart fell, he played me to many times and i left him. i have not seen marty in 30 years. and i loved him very much

To be able to look back without so much as an ounce of hatred or regret is truly an amazing achievement. Thank you for such a heartfelt story! =>

wow.... may god bless you dear... while reading your story... really felt it...

Such an amazing story...Really...<br />
...Honestly, I'm near speechless...<br />
Really, All I can say is...<br />
You sound like you have such a great capacity for love....such heart...<br />
My first love, she filled my life with such happiness...<br />
I would say, I wish for you to experience that great happiness as well....but you already have, even more...