Just Ramblings On A Lonely Night.

Better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all?

What if that love feels like a dream, like a blur from so long ago? What if all you've learned is guilt, longing; a swirl of hatred, freedom and melancholy like a whirlpool looming over your head, throbbing dully in your mind whenever there's a moment to spare?

What is freedom if only in bursts? An illusion, or perhaps realism? Can a human ever be completely free again after such an experience?

What is love, essentially? Is it a set of coincidences? Is it friendship, sacrifice, a learning experience? Is it only in our heads?

The mind is a terrible place to be trapped within; with prevailing thoughts such as these I don't think I have ever truly been freed.

I do not know yet if love is a beautiful thing. I do not know if it is a trapping of our minds or of our cultures. I do not know if it is a crutch or a blessing. I simply know it is not a gift from any god, and not a curse I would wish upon the thin-skinned.

When you lose something you can't replace, what could be worse? When you know the reality will never live up to your selective memory, when you know the future is where your happiness lies, when you still can't shake the blender of emotion rattling your senses on every quiet night. When you wish you could travel to an alternate universe just to see what it's like.

I would like to think I would make the same choices in this part of my life, were I to live it over. Why does this longing still remain, then? I know I had made the correct choices. It is indisputable, and I had considered the consequences. Had I known so long would pass and nothing would change, what would I have done?

This love appears to me to be a dream. It does not do to dwell on dreams and to forget to live. It is no longer my life; that fact must be respected. I am happy. I am being treated as I feel I deserve to be. It is time to move on, fully and absolutely.

I cannot honestly say I believe love is always a beautiful thing.
Adosia Adosia
18-21, F
May 15, 2012