My Email To Her... It Was My Last Attempt

Ok off the bat, if you read this, dont read it super fast, it sounds stupid, you have to try read it semi slowly, imagining all the raw emotions of someone that's trying hard to convey their feelings to someone, or it wont make sense, so without further ado, here it is -------------------------------------
I'm not quite sure why I'm even writing this, since the probability of you seeing this before they shut down our section of email, is undoubtedly next to nil. However, I'll throw this out to cyberspace anyways in the hopes that you might. First off, I wanted to tell you goodbye last night, but with how hectic things got, I just couldn't seem to find the right opportunity to tell you all of the things I wanted to tell you.

I had wanted to thank you for all of your help, with not only both halves of Chemistry, but also with Anatomy & Physiology, World Literature, and most importantly, with valuable life lessons you taught me. You made this year very interesting for me, and pulled me back up through some tough times, without even realizing it many times. You showed me friendship when others would have continued to shun me, and for that, I will always remember you as being my first best friend.

I know that I wasn't always very nice to you, and even tried ignoring you for a week or so after I did that stupid thing that "tripped you out"' and I apologize, for those moments where I allowed emotion to get the better of me, because there was no excuse for it, and I deeply regret doing that. Especially since it was in no way your fault, any of the few times that it happened. Sometimes I wonder how you even managed to put up with me, but somehow you did, and never with complaint.

I feel that I honestly did not deserve all the kindness you gave to me, especially when all I often did was try to show off, and acted in a way that I felt was "cool" to try get your attention at times, and to give you your credit, you didn't encourage those actions, or join in on the many times I bragged about my car. Therefore I truly hope I never did or said anything overly stupid that could have hurt your feelings, because even as I write this, I'm beginning to realize that I'm no longer a little kid anymore, that I need to grow up, and that you probably tried to point that out to me many times, even though I was too blind to see it.

With the very best of wishes for your continued education, and happy life,
(My Fullname)
Explanation - First line the email comment was because they will shut down our student emails 3 months after graduation

I wrote this on May 13th, my graduation was on May 12th... (She did something unexpected May 12th...I wrote about it in "Treated me like a used toy..."
-If you want to know what tripped her out, read my story "Treated me like a used toy..."
^ In reality it was her that ignored me for a couple weeks... but I said that to try to make her feel less guilty... (Evidently didn't work)
-When I said I treated her badly I DID NOT MEAN THAT I EVER HIT HER (I would never hit a woman!) I meant a couple times in jest I may have said something inappropriate at the time! (I don't know if I ever did, since she never acted like she was mad at me, except to avoid me some days, in which case I would apologize (Usually for no reason at all) and things would be back to normal)

Anyways I know most of this is just stupid and meaningless to the people on here... but on the off chance she is on EP (I doubt it, way to independent to be seeking help from strangers) I hope she realizes just how much she meant to me... I tried to show you in my own way... I'm sorry about that

*Edit - actually you probably should read that other story i mentioned several times... This whole letter makes a lot more sense if you do...
Also any feedback on this email, on whether it was right or wrong to send it, would greatly be appreciated because I feel that its wrong for it to not be read by someone, after I poured over two hours of my heart into this letter before sending it (Literally my keyboard is probably still wet... but that info is once again in the story "Treated me like a used toy...")

And finally go ahead call me what you will, at least I HAVE A HEART!
bommer537 bommer537
18-21, M
May 25, 2012