My First Love And Kiss

  My story is extremely long, so you better get comfortable.  Before you read this story, keep in mind that I'm not allowed to date, until I get out of college and I am homeschooled.  <sighs>

  I met my first love after I came back from Taiwan when he was working at Wal-mart and I kinda avoided him because I was "shy".  I finally got know him and I found myself starting to fall for him.  *Like all stories goes*  After being friends for one month he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was like in seventh heaven or something.  <grin>  I was helplessly in love with my "Prince Charming", but I didn't know that I was in love with him until too late.

  Our relationship had to be kept a secret from the "evil adults", so our relationship was kept on a very low key.  I couldn't call him when my parents were around because it would be like so obvious that I liked him and my parents would forbide me to ever talk to him again, which would break my heart.  So, we sent each other emails and whenever my parents weren't home, I'd call him.  He said he didn't mind only seeing me once or twice a week and he loved each and every email I sent him.  Everything was going well, until I notice that our relationship wasn't going as "I" wanted it to go.  I wanted excitement and romance in my relationship.  So, in order to spark things up, I'd flirt and play around with  other guys in front of him to get him jealous and believe me...he got JEALOUS.  But he was real "nice" about it...he'd just pout.  <grin>  That made me furious.  So, I tried other I told him that I wanted my boyfriend to be more demanding, but he refuses to be more demanding.  *Thinking~stubborn donkey.*  After being with him for four months, I became desperate and did something awful.  There is this other guy at my church that has a crush on me and likes to give me hugs, but I can't hug him when my parents are around and so I sometimes tell him "no".  One time when this happened, I felt kinda of bad and sorry for him and I was sort of unhappy with my relationship with Jonathan, so in the evening when we (him and I) were alone in a room I gave him a hug and a "peck".  I felt so guilty afterwards that I told Jonathan and he at first thought I was joking.  He asked me if he ever did that to me (give a girl a peck) what would I do.  I thought about it for awhile and reluctently replied that I would "dis-own" him.  The next day he called the guy that I gave a peck and asked him if I really did give him a peck and he told him everything.  *Totally busted*  Jonathan was driving when he called the guy and when Jonathan hung-up, he started to cry and speed down the highway at 114 mph.  *Jonathan told me later on*  He was thinking about breaking up with me, but he couldn't bring himself to do it because he said that he couldn't lose me, "You are my life."  But he finally clicked, he only demanded two things of me; 1) no more flirting with any other guys, but me. 2) you can't kiss/hug any other guys, but me.  I was suprisingly happy that he made those two rules, but I had a hard time giving up the flirting part because I LOVE to's a girl thing.

  After five months of being togather he all of a sudden started to act there was another girl or he had something on his mind.  One night...he did it....he wrote me a letter and gave it to a girl to give it to me....the terrible..."let's break-up".  I was numb with shock, dis-belief, hatred, and disappointment, but at the same time I respected and loved him.  Then his cousin told me that he liked another girl.  I was suprised, but thought to myself, "Of course he broke-up with you for another girl, did you expect him to be with you forever?" I acted as though I didn't care.  But I was actually...screaming in my heart..."NO!!!".  Fourteen days after he broke-up with me, I wrote him a letter saying that I still loved him, but if I had made him so unhappy, I was sorry and that I wished him and his almost-to-be girlfriend a happy and successful relationship. <crying>  I was crushed.......and I still am..................broken-hearted.

P.S.  Don't get in a relationship that isn't going to isn't worth it.

P.S.S.  My first boyfriend cheated on me.  My second boyfriend was eight years older then me and we didn't click.  I didn't kiss my first or second boyfriend, but I thought Jonathan was different....he was my first love and my first kiss....a big mistake.

P.S.S.S.  I gave Jonathan my heart....I loved him.

Heaven_Sent Heaven_Sent
18-21, F
3 Responses Apr 14, 2006

That brought a lot of emotions out in me<br />
<br />
In my opinion, that relationship wasn't a mistake at all. Most relationships aren't mistakes. They teach you how to be close to other people, both in romantic ways and friendly ways. And you need to learn these things before you marry someone!

I hope you find someone better who can meet all of your needs.

I wish you 'll find your true love again ..!! and he loves you more than everyone on this earth.. take care except God