In My Dreams

I was outside walking along the old quarry trail we used when we were teenagers to get from one side of town ....lost in my own world...I hear a faint whisper....."Tiffany". I turn to look and no one is there....I think to myself...Its just the wind.

I continue on my walk ..and for the life of me I don't even know why I went on this trail and why i was doing this to myself. So many memories on this stupid trail.....

Lost in my thoughts again...I hear "Tiffany". I turn around....and there you are. I am speechless....

We slowly walk towards each other...

This is not really happening is it? What are the chances of us running into him after 15 yrs...and here of all places.

I think how much it hurt when he left....No goodbyes..No explination ..No reason ...Just gone.

As we get closer I see he physically hasn't changed ..not one bit. He still has the same beautiful blonde, and coincidently ..same style. LOL Some people just can't change . His eyes ...just as piercing the sky.

Now I am right in front of him.

He gives me a long ....hug. It seems like that hug lasted for hours. Seeing him and being on this just to much. I start sobbing.....telling him he can't do this to me now.

It's too late ...I have been a married woman , I have three kids...and it took me forever but I finally moved on...and its not fair for him to just waltz back in my life...after he has been gone so long.

Asking him why did he leave?....Where did he go? He just puts his finger to my to shush me ....takes my hand and starts leading me to the quarry...

We sit along the rock bank of the quarry...He ask me about my new life. My kids. My happiness. He told me that he has always had me in his heart and never wanted to leave, that it was hard for him too. That things just happen...

We must have sat there for hours...just holding each other....Gazing at each other intensley...not speaking because words weren't needed...our eyes said it all....

and then...out of nowhere I hear...."Mom..Mom" "Mom I need you to sign this for school...hurry I gotta get to the bus"

I turn to tell him I have to go....and he's gone.

I hear my son, "Mom, Mom" Get up...." "I need this signed"

I try to ignore my son...I have to find him....Where did he go?

My son continues "Mom ..Mom hurry the bus is going to be here"

I slowly wake up...Sign my son's papers...send him on his way.

Numbly I realize I was just dreaming....and start crying.

I am not going to see him again....its not possible. As much as I would want to see him just one more time....I can't.

I will never touch him again, or hear his voice....listen to his heart beat. And as bad as I would want too. Its not going to happen...

Unless its in my dreams...on the rare occasions I am able to see him there. He used to be in my dreams all the time...but as time has passed ...the visits are few and far between.

I miss him as much now, as I did when he left 15 yrs ago. Even though time has helped and I moved on...I have never forgotten..and never will.

My first love.
DesIvy DesIvy
36-40, F
Jan 9, 2013