The Pain...oh The Pain.

The first painful breakup I ever had happened when I was 19.
He was 23.

We had been together for about one year.

He put me through so much because of his own insecurities and not understanding that people can really love unconditionally. So he took my love for granted.I was abused, used, hurt, cheated on, lied to, disrespected many times and put through the worst pain. He filled me with anxiety and worry.
Always made me feel guilty. Called me names. Called me ugly... ( Don't worry I know I am truly beautiful inside and out ).

Finally , I got the courage to leave. Through text message because every time I tried in person or phone he would say things that would persuade me into staying with him.

I expressed all that I felt and how I couldn't do it anymore. IT WAS THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER HAD TO DO.The emotions, uncertainty, the guilt and fear. It was a lot to deal with.He did fight a little but he gave up and let it be. I know he was hurting badly through his tweets and suicidal tendencies.

I cried for months. Was depressed. Quit my job. Stayed in bed all day long. It affected me so badly. Mentally, emotionally and physically.

But I came to realize, even though he treated me so badly and we didn't work out, it was all meant to be. Even if he wasn't so bad, I just couldn't be with someone like that anymore.

So a couple months later, I finally contacted him because I missed him (turns out I was just used to him and comfortable). He was talking to a new girl but the minute I came back, he left her hanging. Him and I started doing everything we normally did "As Friends" but something didn't feel right. It was my heart.

My heart was telling me, I shouldn't be here with him, now. Especially because he was over the whole relationship thing and just wanted to be friends with benefits. As friends, he's treated me better than he did as his girlfriend...So that was the biggest thing telling me to leave. I should have better treatment as his girlfriend , not friend which tells me he's not sincere and he's also very immature.

So finally, I left. I cancelled on our last planned date and he got really angry. Which is weird because he was ignoring me all that week but flirting with other girls. So he is also VERY VERY VERY selfish. Even to his own grandmother. It's sad really.

He has deep inner issues he needs to solve but it's going to take more than just my help, especially because he's so full of pride to admit it. Anyway, we're going our separate ways now.

It was all a lesson learned. And now I am STRONGER than ever :) So I am grateful. No more pain, just gained inner strength and deeper knowledge of myself. So I'm thankful for the experience, even though at one point I wanted to end my life. It's over now, I'm free and ready to soar and reach for the stars. ♥

YOU WILL ALL GET THROUGH IT TOO ! Love you all. God bless
LuisaLemon LuisaLemon
18-21
1 Response Jan 18, 2013

I'd love to know how to get over something like this, and not hurt for this long. I want to feel free and happy. How did you do it