So, it's been 3 months since my boyfriend broke up with me. We were together for almost a year. He is two years younger than me. He broke up with me over text. I remember calling him as soon as I got the text asking if we could talk about it, his response was he had already made the decision but we could talk about it. I was furious. I remember seeing him after school and having to catch up with him to hear what he had to say. "I want to be free. In too stressed. Drug dealing is more important(basically)." I remember feeling shocked that he could so quickly and easily end something between us after him promising he would never just leave me. He almost had a look of relief on his face and that broke my heart even more. A few weeks went by. I has graduated from high school and got into an internship that helped to distract me from the heartbreak. I've morning I talked on the phone for a good while with one of my close friends at the time, we talked about honesty and how important that was to us. How silly and stupid it is to lie. That same day while I was working a friend and her boyfriend had come to visit me. I had been planning to hangout with that same friend who I talked to in the morning. I remember calling my Ex's sister and told her my plans. She became hysterical over the phone"**** them, don't trust her you don't need those type of people in your life" I was confused and she proceeded to tell me that that same friend had been spending the night at my Ex's house and that they had been trying to hide it. I was heartbroken all over again..I remember trying to keep composed, trying to let it slide off my shoulder. But it wasn't that easy, I had now been cursed with a big dark cloud that lingers over my head, either shrinking or expanding. I confronted that friend about what I had heard"I let you down as a friend anyways" my response was "I thought I was trying to teach you how to be a friend". I cut ties with her obviously. Her brother died a month or so after, from a drug overdose. Me and a friend attended the memorial and afterwards we all hugged and sobbed. She apologized saying "I love you no matter what my actions say" I didn't respond as I was only there to mourn the loss of her family member. I wanted closure, from my ex. I remember texting him back and fourth telling him is like to see him in person. I shouldn't have been shocked by his everlasting selfishness. He told me he'd be caught if gaurd, so I settled, as I had always done in our relationship, for trying to gain emotional closure over the phone. I felt happy enough that I had my say for the most part. However, I've continued to have dreams about him. I recently learned that my ex is planning to move to California with his family. It really would be a good change for him and his family. But since I've heard that news I can't help but wonder if he'll come see me before he leaves. Part of me says if he was too much if a coward to face you before...then why now. Another part wants to hold onto that thought because if he did visit me it'd be a sign if maturity I think, to acknowledge that we did have something good. See I dont want to hate him or have any bad feelings towards him. But how can I not? I mean my ex and ex best friend are ******* around together and just that thought makes me nauseous. Just last night I had a dream that he called me, I was asking if he was goin to come see me before he leaves. His answer was unsure, I only remember him saying "I love you" and meaning it. This is my first love, and first real heartbreak. I don't have other guys lined up to distract me, nor do I want that. But more than anything I wish the dreams, thoughts, and reminders of him would vanish. I don't want to have to have to find someone to take my mind off of it. I just want to be freed from these things that make me feel trapped within my self and my past. I'm left to wonder what he's thinking, or if he is at all. I'm happy to share this experience and I hope some will have some adobe to throw my way. How long does this last?
Mitsuko15 Mitsuko15
22-25, F
5 Responses Aug 20, 2014

I would not do that to you

First off, avoid drugs and people that are around drugs. I've had my experiences in which I realized that you really don't want to be around those type of people. That being said, your ex doesn't seem to care about you. Sorry, but I've learned that actions speak much louder than words. And from his actions, it is likely that he really doesn't care about your feelings and could've been with many other girls. Now I'm not trying to be negative or cruel, but my current girlfriend's ex as well as my own ex were quite the same way as yours. Realistically at this point, you shouldn't expect him to do anything for your well-being. I understand you want closure and I also understand how sudden it must of been, but you must create your own closure. The memories will probably never leave, but the fact is that you must ACCEPT what has happened and realize that it cannot be changed. I wish the best for you, and feel free to message me if you'd like to talk about it more.

Honestly, my first true love and I split around your age and it was a horrible feeling. I can tell you that their memory never goes away, you just learn to deal with it, until it isn't so hard. Personally, I think about her from the time I wake up, till the time I knock out. Eventually, you'll come to the realization that it was never gonna work and you've just gotta move on. Some end up resenting their ex, while others simply move on, stop texting, and cut all ties. 3 months isn't nearly long enough, give it about a year or two or until one of you get's another bf/gf

He was coward and you ex bff too but i suggest that you don't need to keep grudge because this feelling kill silently i think you should try to get over it there are a lot of people that you can meet and he is not the only one but you need to continue and be better , learn about their actions and never be like them you can change yours habits for stop thinking in the past

Advice* :)