Our Natural Insemination ExperienceNatural insemination is highly stigmatized. People consider it dirty, cheating, salacious, lustful, when it really isn't necessarily like that. My first child was conceived through NI, and it was an amazing experience. I am in a lesbian marriage, and we always knew that we would need help having a child. We have two and are planning on a third. Our second was adopted, this one we are conceiving with frozen *****. But our son was made the old-fashioned way.
My wife was actually the one to bring it up. Before we were married I knew she wanted a kid, and I knew I'd want one too eventually. She brought it up a year after we were married, and we talked about our ethical quandaries about AI, adoption, NI, and Tamsin kept insisting NI would have the best success rate. We had my best friend Arthur over for dinner, and Tamsin got a little drunk and spilled the beans about our NI talks. She basically told him he should be our donor. Arthur and I dated before Tamsin (he introduced us, actually) and we even lived together. When we broke up we remained best friends, and he was even in our wedding.
After talking again while sober, Arthur agreed to the plan. Tamsin is infertile, so it would be me. We figured out a parenting plan, because I wanted my child to know here he comes from, and Arthur agreed. We read did as much research as possible to prepare. When my next fertile time came around, we were all nervous. We cooked a nice meal and we each took a shower, and met nervously in the bedroom. We followed what the literature says and Tamsin and I started off making love together. After Arthur and I were both ready, I had Tamsin lie down next to me while Arthur and I had sex. It was gentle and sweet, for all three of us. After he orgasmed I threw my legs over my head while Tamsin and Arthur relaxed with some wine and a joint, and I read a book while I kept the ***** inside me for as long as possible. We repeated the same routine the next night.
I didn't get pregnant the first time. We were disappointed, so we had Arthur come in for my next fertile time. We continued the same cycle, twice during the fertile time, and took another test. Another test, another negative. So we did it again, but this time we decided on having sex 4 times during my fertile time. Well, that must have done the trick, because the next test I took was a big fat positive! We called Arthur to tell and he was excited for us, though he did make an "Aww, already?" joke.
We have a 4 year-old son now, and we have an awesome little family. Arthur is involved as a biodad. He visits every other month or so at least, babysits, and has a great relationship with our son. Our son knows him as "Papa Arthur" or "Papa Arttur" is more likely. When people ask, we just say we used Arthur as a donor and sometimes throw in a turkey baster joke, but we don't tell the specifics of the conception usually, since there's such a stigma around it. We adopted a daughter who is 1, turning 2 next month, and even though we have a good relationship with her birthmother, I don't think adoption is for us again, from the financial, emotional, and logistical side of things. We were lucky enough to find an open adoption without an agent, and I doubt we'd be as lucky again. I wanted Arthur to donate again, but unfortunately a woman he'd hooked up with tested positive for HPV. There's no real test for HPV, so it's unclear whether or not he has it, but I don't want any risk of HPV to me or the baby. We're doing at-home insemination with frozen donor *****. The donor claims he's willing to have contact with the future child, but it wouldn't be anything like what Arthur and my son have, which makes me sort of sad.
JeNeRegretteRien 36-40, F 3 Aug 4, 2012