Misread Signals

I had a traumatic childhood, obviously. I had never even considered actually having sex with a guy.

One night I was at a friend/date's house, and we ended up fooling around. That I could definitely enjoy.

The next thing I knew, lots of clothing was missing, and right as I was comprehending what was happening, it happened. At first I freaked out - on the inside, not outwardly. He wasn't being rough, wasn't being mean. I don't exactly remember if I really enjoyed it or not.

Afterwards, he asked what was wrong, and I explained to him. He freaked out, apologizing. We sat there and talked for I don't even know how long. He misread signals, and took my lack of protesting for consent. I don't consider it rape though, not that time. We were good friends, and there had always been a lot of sexual tension before. I was perfectly game for other activities, I just hadn't thought about that one.

We ended up seeing each other off and on for 5 years. After that though, he was always so careful to ask to make sure it was what I wanted. We had to have that conversation every single time. It got old, and was part of the reason I stopped seeing him at all. I think he always felt guilty for the first time.
eyes eyes
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 15, 2007

oh no, the 5 years came AFTER that, lol<br />
<br />
I wasn't really all that upset about it, I was just sort of surprised. I think he was more upset about it than I was. <br />
<br />
I looked at his intenetions, and those weren't to hurt me, so I just went with it.

God... That's so horrible. <br />
I feel so bad for both of you, one moment messed up 5 years of a wonderful relationship.