Misread SignalsI had a traumatic childhood, obviously. I had never even considered actually having sex with a guy.
One night I was at a friend/date's house, and we ended up fooling around. That I could definitely enjoy.
The next thing I knew, lots of clothing was missing, and right as I was comprehending what was happening, it happened. At first I freaked out - on the inside, not outwardly. He wasn't being rough, wasn't being mean. I don't exactly remember if I really enjoyed it or not.
Afterwards, he asked what was wrong, and I explained to him. He freaked out, apologizing. We sat there and talked for I don't even know how long. He misread signals, and took my lack of protesting for consent. I don't consider it rape though, not that time. We were good friends, and there had always been a lot of sexual tension before. I was perfectly game for other activities, I just hadn't thought about that one.
We ended up seeing each other off and on for 5 years. After that though, he was always so careful to ask to make sure it was what I wanted. We had to have that conversation every single time. It got old, and was part of the reason I stopped seeing him at all. I think he always felt guilty for the first time.