I Remember My Girl Got Me Angry, And So I Lost My Virginity.

sorry this is so long.. but i needed to vent this out to people.. don't make the same mistake i did.

I'm going to go ahead and assume everyone thinks every guy never regrets losing his virginity. Like every guy considers losing their virginity becoming a man or something. That's how everyone i know see's it, but I never understood why.
I hate everything about what happend. I hate the girl, the time and place, just everything.... I'll tell you why.

When I was 17, I was dating this beautiful girl named Alisha. She was perfect.. in my eyes, everything i ever wanted. She had bluey green eyes, and long brown hair, which was a major turn on for me. She had perfect teeth too, so white, her smile lit up any room and everyone always complimented her on it. She was a giggly kind of girl, always laughing. She was so sweet and kind which is why I loved her. Alisha and I dated for all of grade 10 and 11. When the summer came, things started to get intense. We talked about having sex a lot, and what would happen after if we had decided to. She worried a lot that I would leave her afterward..even though i would have never done that to her. Because the both of us were virgins, and we were so in love, we agreed it wouldn't hurt to wait til we were a little older to try to have sex. I was fine with that, and so was she. We carried on our relationship until augest, when she went away to a cottege with her family and met some guy... who pretty much stole her away from me. She was at that stupid cottege for 3 weeks, and we hadn't talked during the whole time she was gone. I didn't call her because she only had a cellphone with her and it would have cost her a lot of money.

The day she got back from the cottege, she came over to my house to tell me everything that happend. She kissed me a lot and wouldnt let go of me. I was ridiculously happy to have her back, i remember feeling like we were going to last forever. After a while she told me that she met a guy, and that she had interest in him. I asked her if she did anythign with him and she denied it, so i overlooked it. But then i brought it back up later and she looked upset. She said i hadn't called her the whole time she was gone and it was my fault if she did anything stupid. I got really mad at her and punched a hole in my wall which i think scared her.. even though i'd never hurt her, and she ran off on me, leaving me all alone with rage flowing through me. I do believe that was the first night i ever cried over a girl, when I believe the love of my life had cheated on me while i was at home missing her. The next morning she called me and appologized for running out like that. she said she couldnt bare to see me hurt anymore which is why she wanted to tell me over the phone instead of at my house. She told me she had kissed the guy she met, but only after he begged and begged her to give him a chance. She told me she told him a million times she had a boyfriend, and know guys, and i know they dont give up easily.. i just expected her to be smarter than that. ANYWAYS

I was so mad that i hungup on her.. it look me like the whole day to finally answer the phone after she called the whole day. I told her i didnt want to spend my life with a girl who can just throw everything away and go kiss another guy. My heart was broken because of her.. and i hated myself for falling in love with her and thinking she was so perfect. Like two days later school started and all her friends were telling me how depressed she was without me, and how she loved me and always would. It made me feel better.. but then i kept remembering how i trusted her and she kissed another guy and it killed me. The first night of school, a friend of mine had a birthday party, and we all went to his house for the day. His 20 year old brother was the chapperone and everyone there was underage drinking. It had been only my second time drinking alcohol and i pretty much got shitfaced. At around 10pm i wanted to leave. but as i was walking out the door a girl in my english class named joslynn grabbed me by the arm and told me she wanted me to stay. I was flatterd, she was cute, but not as cute as Alisha, and the whole time i was thinking about what she did to me, and knew what was doing would make it even. Right when Jos and me went into an empty bedroom, i began making out with her. She, was also drunk. She started to do things like.. rub my **** over my jeans.. which i had no one ever do other than alisha.

She was kissing and nibbling on my ear and licking my neck ..still while rubbing me. I felt obligated to do it back.. so i started to rub her too.. and she was moaning into my ear which.. pretty much drove me crazy. I could sense how much joslynn wanted me and it only made me want her more.. I kept thinking about how much i loved alisha, and how much i wished it was her infront of me, but the anger overwealmed me and i found myself on top of joslynn on the bed grinding my hard on against her. She was pulling me to her closer until there was so space left, and eventually she undid my zipper on my pants and began rubbing me over my boxers. Now the firthest alisha and i had ever gone was, hands only.. She had given me handjobs before, and i had touched her too but never too much. We took things easy. So all this was new to me, and when she asked me to finger her, the way she said it, the look in her eye.. there was no way i was going to turn her down. So i did.. i fingered her, until my handwascompletely drentched. And she flipped me over and imediately began sucking me off. It felt good, obviously but i still couldnt get alisha off my mind. I stopped joslynn before i was going to ..******, and she asked me what was wrong. I realized then that i shouldnt be doing what i was doing, and the slurr of my words was beginning to scare me, I wasnt usually that irrespnsible. I told joslynn straight up that i was in love with someone, and i couldnt do anything else, and shetold me she had heard all about it and knew alisha had already moved on and was dateing that guy she met at the cottege. This made me so ******* mad, that i grabbed joslynn and ****** her ..probably a second after she told me. She moaned like crazy, and complimented me the whole way through. But then she put her clothes on and left the room like it never happend.

After that I spent about half an hour crying over alisha, Wishing i hadnt done what i just did, or that it could have been her and not some random ****. I HATE myself for even going to that party, i wont ever dare to drink alcohol again, and i will never do anything out of anger again. I went on to findout alisha hadnt moved on.. she hadnt even talked to that guy since she left the cottege, and she loved and missed me and wanted me to forgive her. Until i told her what happend ofcoarse. I then went through hell, and those months were those of which i call my darkest days.. months on end without a word from alisha. Iwent on anti depressants and everything..but i wont get too nuch into that, Anyways, now were in college, together and were goodfriend again..it took me two years to get her to even talk to me again, but i did it, and the last time we went to the movies she held my hand and leaned her head on my shoulder. I'm too scared to make a move now.. but believe me i will. I love her and always will.. i wont ever forgive myself for what happend. and i hope to get alisha back as my girlfriend and keep her.
annon00 annon00
3 Responses Jul 16, 2010

aww so sweet. i hope yez get back together, just keep faith. me and my biyfriend went through alot but now we are together over 3years:) if you really want her never give up:) good luck

I hope you guys get back together soon :) You sound like you really do love her and she you~ Everyone makes stupid mistakes in their life, you just need to find a way to get through it and do better when you get the chance. Good luck, Lucas!

Aww I hope you feel better soon and try to forgive yourself...anyway hope you enjoy the rest of your day...