Well I've moved on for the most part from it, but I don't have any good feelings left towards him. There were times that I flat out hated him after this ****.
My first time well it was no fun, pretty much cried within ten minutes of being home......well outside I didn't want my mom knowing. To be honest I wish and think that my first should've been with my best guy friend at the time....I only say that because he is part of the beginning of my story, which I promise I'll get to haha
Well I was 17.....the day before it happened, Richard, who i worked with and thought I was friends with.....knew about me and my guy best friend. I told Richard about how me and the guy had been fooling around...I was a little scared to actually have sex, so my guy best friend done the next best thing, he went down on me, fingered me...was the first time for me that either had happened. It was fun, at the time I didn't think I liked liked my guy best friend...which is why things at that time didn't got further at that time... But Richard found out and decided he wanted to show me "how a real man fingered a woman" and that's what he kept harassing me with via text....and he kept coming up to me at work that entire night pretty much begging til I finally gave in. I had a crush on Richard and he knew about it. I don't know why I even budged with him, he was being a **** with the constantly asking me.
I knew too that there was a possibility that sex may very well happen that night, but wasn't really expecting it. So I went home got ready and told my mom we were going out to eat. Cause he actually said that we could get some food and talk about it first...Well that didn't happen. But i was like whatever with it, cause I was under the impression that it may happen after.......Well it happened in his car...which was awful...and he took me to some dark dark parking lot and it was down in the lower half where there was a giant cement wall. well we scooted my shorts off and he started to finger me, and he went down on me some, which was awkward, because he was in the drivers seat leaning over me... then he pretty much said "lets see what you got" and pulled down his pants, and in all honesty I didn't care about blowing him. But then I stopped, cause I wasn't totally sure what to do...and seemed like he was getting a little "hot"
Anyway next thing I knew he was on top of me, my seat was already back a little but the few seconds before he got on me....are kind of a blur, cause he didn't ask if sex was okay ( he knew I was a virgin), but he was on top of me.....Just stared out the window....didn't make a sound.....didn't move.....and then it was over. Luckily I didn't feel much of anything, because my middle finger was bigger than his ****. Not joking or being bitter, it's the truth.
He asked after if I wanted to get food, I said yes, he didn't go....Took me back home, I got him to drop me off a few houses down from my moms cause I was to ashamed to let him drop me out front, especially if my mom seen me, she would've known.... I called a friend saying I lost my virginity...lit up a cigarette, and sat in the yard....got off the phone and started crying. I sat there a good 15 minutes and then went inside and went to my room, so my mom wouldn't get suspicious....cause I wanted to go in the shower, but I think she would've known....but after being in my room a few I hopped in the shower...cause I felt disgusting. I regretted it even more after the following day when I went and told a friend about it at work, she was older than me, and pretty sure she gave Richard **** for it, since I was 17 and he was like 22 or 23 at the time. Then he denied it, and then eventually admitted it happened and said it was a mistake....he acted mad too. Like he pulled me aside and asked why I had told anyone, he wanted it to be between he and I.....and ugh. I found out a few years later though that he had apparently bragged to his friends that he took my virginity at some point, and ****. I hated the night I lost my virginity. Especially since it was to a total ***** :(
But I had better sex with my best guy friend once I chose to do so :)