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Memorable For The Wrong Reason.

She was my first steady girl friend. We started dating the summer after I graduated from high school. I saw her often during the week nights and we had a date almost every weekend. A little over a month into our relationship the making out began, often it got very heavy. A number of times we came very close to having sex, but each time she would ask me to stop. She would explain she wanted to continue, but was afraid I would end up hating her if we had "done it". It was certainly frustrating, but I always honored her wish. We had drifted apart for a brief period of time, but got back together. One evening our making out was evolving into foreplay. My hand was within her panties and my finger tips had penetrated her body. She told me she was ready to take our relationship to a higher level. She wanted to become intimate with me. She was a bit frightened, but she assured me she felt she was ready to have sex with me. We found a secluded spot outside of town and for the first time she did not ask me to stop. She gave me every reason to believe she was experiencing a great deal of pleasure. I was not prepared for what was to happen.  Shortly after I came she began crying. I thought perhaps it was from feelings of guilt. She would not tell me why she was crying or why she didn't want me to touch her. She demanded her clothes and said nothing as she got dressed. After becoming calm she told me I would probably not want to see her again after she revealed what she had to tell me. I was not the first guy that "had her". When she was twelve she was raped by an older brother of a girl that was once her friend. Our first intimate experience was enjoyable for her, then suddenly it wasn't.Whoever took her innocence ruined what was for a time a beautiful experience for her.That was our only time for not long after that she said she didn't want to see me any more.

GrandPaRoo GrandPaRoo 61-65, M 6 Responses Apr 11, 2012

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Rape is such a difficult issue. For your girlfriend, it was obviously a real issue - a feeling something like guilt has ruined her appreciation of intimacy. For people like this you feel that counseling or therapy might really help. It would have to be truly discreet, and it would be important to separate blame and retribution for the rapist, from the issue of how the victim can accept and enjoy the feelings of future physical relationships.

Other victims, I suspect, sometimes use a past rape - sometimes an imagined one - to rationalize later promiscuity. For these people too, counseling might be a big help.

Another group again, are hardly affected at all - the rape becomes little more than an unusual anecdote told during the early stages of a new relationship, or in some cases forgotten altogether. For this group, too much counseling could be positively harmful.

The challenge is to counsel the right people in the right way.

Another challenge, in the face of such widely differing perceptions of what might be very similar experiences, is for the law in how rape should be treated. Should punishment depend on the harm actually caused, the worst harm that could have been caused, or the harm that is caused in the "average" case.

Ooh.... I'm so sorry for your ex-girlfriend. But I do wish that she would realize that you were different from the rapist. It is so sad that she was carrying the burden of guilt which prevented her from enjoying a normal relationship... :-(

I happened to come across her by chance a number of years later. She had a child by a man she had no kind words for. She said she made another bad choice in a relationship. I don't think she ever sought help. I don't think there was the support for victims as there is now. Charges were never brought against her rapist because she begged her mother not to go to the police.

Do you think it is exactly "guilt"? It's a question I haven't satisfactorily answered in my bigger comment above.

I used the word 'guilt' because the ex-girlfriend seemed to think that GPR would 'end up hating her' if they 'did it'. In other words, she was afraid he might lose respect for her after she had sex with him. This is what makes me think that her blames herself for having sexual desires and felt guilty about them.
Turns out she made more mistakes in her relationships and her choice of men. One bad decision followed another.

While she and I were dating we often frequented a teen center. After we got back together from that brief break up she told me she had been banned from the center for fighting another girl. The only details she would give me was she was a girl whose brother she hated. The night she revealed the fact she had been raped she also told me the girl she fought was that former friend, the sister of her rapist.

Thats well sad! :(

I have thought of that night many times. It must have been a flash back of that horrible experience. I remember that night while she was so upset she called herself a *****. It took some time for her to calm down enough to let me know why she was so upset.

I pity for the girl...<br />
She had a bad experience in the past.