Not Sure If 17 Is Counted "very Young" ....

Not sure if 17 is counted very young but it was when I experienced it first. Despite being a writer (a journalist actually) it's not easy for me to put it in words. It was unexpected, he was polite and funny, we discussed books and movies for hours and drew closer to each other month by month. Then it all happened at once.

It was night, he came to return a book and I was alone at home. I asked him to have a coffee which he accepted. I have to confess my dress wasn't reasonable enough to be with a guy in, I mean, it was sort of enjoying the freedom in solitude of home, no panty, no bra. I thought he didn't notice but I was wrong.

I was there, stood in kitchen when he entered quietly and hugged me tight from behind. It felt like heaven, I swear, he said a few sweet words, sort of how much he loved me silently and how much he craved to have me. It was like magic, sort of feeling like flying high in skies above under the warm and bright sun. I don't actually remember when his hand entered beneath my mini skirt and how did we make it to the nearest bed, which happened to be in my parent's room.

My fingers tremble typing the detail. I was nervous and lay there with my eyes closed, hoping it'll stop right here and wishing it'd not. He was gentle in proceeding, removed the little what I had on as clothing in a soft, caring manner. Then he lay by my side and undressed himself step by step, while his hands caressed my *****, pinched ***** and felt all over my body. I listened rustle of moving his dress and after some time felt his hand holding my hand and putting it on a stiff, elongated object, by then I was sweating and asked him to stop while not knowing how tightly I have gripped what he handed to me. Then I opened my eyes and he was smiling at me, I thought I would refuse if he asked me to lick or anything oral but he didn't. Instead, he grasped me from ankles, pulled towards him, spread my legs and put his own mouth in between there. I was like gone wild and made quite a noise, forgetting every concern I had, he just went on gently and didn't react to the noise I made. In fact I wonder if he really enjoyed it.

Then he raise his head and at once entered his *** **** into me, it caused a great deal of pain at first as I was a virgin. I became afraid and asked him to stop, which he answered with many kisses, sweet words and his lips for quite sometimes stuck on mine to restrict my screams. It became more fun later, for quite a minute he rubbed there softly and entered again, this time to put the all suffocating burden of his 190 lb on my 120 lb body and make me feel miserable with that weight and dirty words bursting from his mouth automatically. I never imagined him talking to me this way but I was even more surprised at finding how good those words and that humiliation felt to me. I wanted to talk him more like them and without my expressing this wish in words, he didn't disappoint me. He lasted for a fair amount of time (Too personal to describe the exact time here) and came inside me.

We lay there for 10 or 15 minutes afterwards, then he rose, cleaned himself with tissues and dressed up then cleaned me as well and put on my dress too (Isn't this funny that it happened only once, I have to always dress up myself after sex since then) We changed bed sheets together and talked about everything except what happened just moments ago for an hour or more but when he leave, he kissed me on cheek and said "I love you" such a magical way that all the guilt and shame I was having vanished away quickly. That night, I slept a sleep like never before and when I got up next morning, I almost felt like dancing and singing doing everything (actually did a lot of silly things before the bathroom mirror and under the shower as well)

It has been many years since, we broke up five years later and those five years included lots of such times but it could never be like that first night, obviously it couldn't be. My life is a hell since we broke up, could never find a guy like him again, have many short time relationships since then but none could prove to be what I want. I'm depressed and dissatisfied with everything in my life, it have serious negative impacts on my carrier as well. Frustration of later failures is turning into kink with lots of kinky fantasies and even some attempts to realize my fantasies which led to embarrassing situations.

I'm currently undergoing a therapy and my therapist said I need to let all this out to free my mind for focusing on what really matters. This is my first day on EP and first ever experience to write, I wanted to avoid group therapies so chose this portal and hope letting this all out will really help me forget it and move on. Thanks Everyone
deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Nov 29, 2012

Well done.

on many occasions that first-time sets for you what it should always be like
we were 12.5 the first time we made love, we had made love many times before with just words and touching but never the way. and we never looked back even those last seven days in Japan were just as great as the first.
Morning of 8 th grade graduation we were lucky we did not have to worry about making a child as we knew up front both of us would never have a child.
We never did it behind her mother back or her grandparents I had already been living there for about six weeks when it happened, and they all knew March of that years it was only a matter of time for us,
we did tell them when first time.

My wife was killed just a few days after she returned to Saigon the day after. i was reported KIA but was in a coma

Oh yes I have never forgotten anything we did or the adventure. We shared as we grew up with each other.
Guess there are something I have forgotten, but I was in a coma for six months and in a hospital after two years following a plane crash in 1967. My wife was dead about six months before I even knew it and that still hurts as I was not able to protect her like I promised so many years ago
at the moment I am trying to write down the stories I do remember
and things were very different than at present we could drive at 12.5 years old where we lived to the farm status.