I Don't Want to Remember It

 My first time I was not a willing partner. It was with my step-father. I was a young teenager and didn't even really know what was going on. Still don't even really remember. I know if I didn't allow it to happen he would take it out on the rest of the family. I didn't know how to tell anybody because it was scary and embaressing. I don't like attention and that would bring a lot even back then.

 My first time of my choosing was in a public rose garden on a park bench at night. It was in that respect exciting but I still didn't get it. I wasn't with the right person. I was machanical.

 Then there was my husband. I still had/have issues. It still didn't really mean anything to me and I'm sure he could feel that.

 Now I'm just plain scared to open myself up to somebody because I've been hurt so many times.



jrabbit1321 jrabbit1321
46-50, F
6 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I clicked him a long time ago, so he's even.<br />
His comment may not have seemed constructive in the "how to" sense, but my experience tells me that his comment is the "best". Heck they are all so good that I never felt I had anything to add to the thread. They are all saying the same thing - attitude and communication with your future partners will get you to a happy healthy relationship. Believe that is what you deserve, demand it of yourself and in the end you will find it.


I reread the comments for this experiance and I want to say thank you to those who commented. I was trying to ad a smily face to gottaBhappy's comment and I accidently pressed the sad face. I can't change that, so I just wanted anybody who cared that I really did like what gottaB said. Sorry for the sad face.

You're stuck with uninspiring reminders, that's a drag ... wait until you meet your future guy :) ... guaranteed, he'll replace them with good ones, because he'll want you to feel good about it ... that's the difference ...

thank you, Hurting. I do try most of the time, but, every now and then things get in the way.

I'm sorry for all you had to go through. But just remember not to let a few jerks make you lose hope in everyone. I'm not saying to trust people easily, but just have people give you a good reason why they're worth consisting your trust.