Why This Group?

There's no other word that I can use to refer to them, they were my lovers. 

Each of these women were people I did love deeply during various phases of my life, from my naive years as a teenager, to the idealistic college graduate, to the young adult that I became.  Each of them gave me a little bit of myself and made me the person that I am today.

I often think back to these memories.  The excitement of falling in love, of physical intimacy (especially the rushed, almost panic intimacy of youth), or of simply walking into a public space with my hand in someone else's.  I think of the moments of tears and happiness we shared.  And I guess, all this is a part of growing up.

We separated in time.  Some relationships ended more badly than others.  I know I've  hurt them myself in more ways than I count and more ways than I would admit.  But we shared so much to the extent that I know that much of who I am, I am because of them.

I will never be able to tell them.  The propriety involved in being a married man and father today prohibits my talking about these feelings openly, for one thing.  I also somehow think that I've faded from their own memories over time, and that they probably do not even think of me any more.  We are also very different people now from the once-upon-a-time when we dreamed together  of a happily-ever-after that never quite came.

But I do want to talk about them, to write about them.  I want to commit what I remember of them to writing and memory.  Maybe it's just my way of recalling special moments in my life that I do not ever want to forget.

And maybe it's also my way of saying thank you from across the years.
Montagar Montagar
36-40, M
1 Response Jul 24, 2007

Nicely put - I hope someone from my past remembers me this way.....