Post

Fragments.

"Reincarnation," as such, seems to contradict the faith I was born into, and which I haven't wholly abandoned.  I mean, some of my family members have had strange experiences regarding connections with deceased loved ones in the afterlife; if reincarnation is the rule, than how could this be?  How could anyone really be "on the other side?"  If I could wholly embrace this, does it mean that I have to accept that I will not see any of my loved ones after I die, because they, like me, will be in other bodies, back on earth?

That said, lately for some reason it just seems to "make sense" that I have led lives before this.  It suddenly seems obvious, without ever having given it too much thought.  I am 35 now, and perhaps I have just lived enough of life to begin to feel like I know something.  Not only would it explain so much, but it seems like an ultimate, intuitive knowledge.  Part of me wants to dismiss it like a good rational child of the Enlightenment, but then the deeper part of me feels like it knows that to do so would be more ignorant and cowardly than wise. 

I am an American who has always been obsessed with Britain.  I cannot bring myself to speak these words in "real life," because it is too embarrassing to admit it (I know too many British people, including my ex-husband, for one thing).  But there you go.  I cannot explain it, but I feel more at home in England than I do anywhere else I have ever lived.  I lived there for six years, and they were difficult years--graduate school.  I returned to the states, as fate would have it, because of my ex's work, despite that he is British.  I have not returned since I moved back three years ago, and sometimes I miss it so much that it becomes a feeling closer to anxiety than melancholy.  It is just plain odd.  Before I ever moved there, when I was just a frequent visitor, I would always call my Mom from London to let her know that my flight had landed safely:  "I'm home," I would say. 

But well before then, back in grade school, I remember:  studying the American Revolution, and absolutely failing to understand how on earth it was possible that Britain and American were no longer enemies.  I could not wrap my mind around it, and decades later, when I think back to the experience, I remember the odd feeling I used to get in my gut, a kind of sick feeling, whenever I used to have to learn about that war. 

And I am not a specialist in the 18th century; my PhD is in Victorian studies.  My connection with the Victorians is more like a love--a comfort zone, but it is the 18th century that unsettles me (in a deeply attractive way).   As a historian, I love to go to re-enactments.  I even participate at medieval/Renaissance faires; I used to work at one.  But there is a Revolutionary war re-enactment near to where my parents live every year, and though I never attended as a child, as an adult I rarely miss it.  Again, it is excruciatingly embarrassing to relate this, but what I love is to watch the British army re-enactors marching on to the field.  I'm not that fussed about the battle, as I don't much care for military history.  But the sight of the red coats makes my heart flutter.  And that does not happen at any other re-enactment, neither here nor in Britain, as I've been to a few in that country, too (all medieval, though).  It is as if I want to blur my eyes and remember something...

And talking of which, it is very hot right now where I am.  Sweltering.  All my life I have had a habit of overdressing in hot weather.  Sweatshirts in 90 degrees, etc.  I don't know why.  I have always figured that I tend to misjudge the weather, or whatever.  I've never thought about it much, but I remember once when I was in my early 20s, my mother asked me to change before we went out together, suggesting that it was a little weird, and that people sometimes stared because of it.  Really, aside from that, no one has ever mentioned this habit of mine except for the occasional "aren't you hot?"  Perhaps I am making too much of it.  But the other day, I was in the car with my baby daughter, and we were baking.  In the process of trying to evaluate the temperature in the car, and trying to consider the difference in what I was wearing (long jeans over sneakers) with the bubble romper she was wearing, and whether the air conditioner was going to cool things down quickly enough for her, etc., I was kind of forced to think about how overheated I was in my clothes, and how it felt.  It was then that it flashed upon me:  "I find this comforting, because it reminds me..."  As I realized what I was thinking, I felt a chill up my spine, as if someone had told me something very scary and creepy.  What does wearing too many clothes in the heat remind me of?  The flash is hard to describe, because it was like a memory.  I could almost hear the rustle of fabric.

And like other people have mentioned, there is someone I have dreamed about, too.  A man--a partner.  One?  More than one?  Two names:  one directly from a dream:  Abraham.  What an awful name!  In the dream he was young; the dream was not memorably from a time before this one.  But the dream (about ten years ago) made me recall another dream--or rather, a vision, that I had experienced some five years before that.  This was a "physical" vision of a man--a vision I had in that moment right between sleeping and waking--he was in period dress, I guess you might call it, but the vision was so brief that I couldn't describe.  It has faded from my memory for the most part, but at the time, when I was an undergrad, I thought that he was dressed in 17th century clothes. I didn't think of the 18th century, and I like to consider that I would have known the difference, even at 20 years old.  I'm sure that there was more material up around the neck than would have been common in the 18th century.  Then, this year, a few months ago, I was contemplating the "memory" of this person.  And another name randomly sprung to my mind.  Paolo.  And a chill.  Now, where did THAT name come from?  Certainly not from MY life.  And it isn't even English.  But it reverberates, ever since.  Who knows?

Who knows what it all means.  i can't help but think that if I had a more "complete" memory, I just wouldn't believe it.  Perhaps this is why it doesn't happen.Fra

oenone oenone 31-35 4 Responses Jun 23, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

I have vivid memories of hunting with family, I think a brother or maybe a uncle. I have hunted this area many times and as time has passed more comes back to me. I can even remember certain places that I think I had good luck on. How I would walk in through fields and cut up mountain ridgelines to get to my favorite places. Its such a strong memory that wants to be fully remembered. It scares me, I have no brother and have not hunted this place in this life. I can almost remember faces but its like something is blocking it from me. I hunt alot now, always been one of my favorite things to do with free time. Problem is that none of this is from this life, I have thought that maybe it could be from the future but my gut tells me its from the past. I am not a nut, I fly Apache helicopters for the US Army and have only told my wife about this until now. More of the fragments are coming back as I get older. I am 37 now and it seems like I get recall after having deep sleep. When I say recall I mean I can remember another fragment, but the fragments are fitting together like a puzzle with the detailed pieces like the faces and the names of others in the memory missing. Strange thing happening to me with this, I don't care for it but I know in my gut it happened. Always remember walking alot, never any cars. If I could remember something modern then it would help me judge how old this memory was. Any similiar situations people are having would be nice to hear about, that way I don't think I am losing my damn mind. It takes time for this to happen, seems like last 2 years I get a little at a time. But nothing before that.

I am and have been at sorta the same place you are --- there is that inner conflict about reincarnation or the traditional Christian ideas of Heaven and Hell after this life. It makes me wonder who I am going to see on the Other Side if reincarnation is real.....but at the same time, I have had such strong feelings that I am here on earth AGAIN, and that I will be here yet again in the future!! Like with high school, my senior year, I caught myself thinking one day, "I wonder what high school will be like next time." Next time!? What?!!

Reconciling the Other Side with reincarnation, according to my dad, WE decide when and if we will reincarnate! I also know my grandmother saw her mom when she was on her death bed.

The biggest thing for me is fears I have that I cannot explain, things I'm interested in, languages I can pronounce quite naturally with no background in speaking them, and perhaps most strongly -- people I have met whom I already feel familiar with upon meeting them!! The only other thing on that last part is maybe our spirits are active beyond our conscious minds, and we can connect with certain people on a higher plane as we live out our lives "down here." Anyway, this is a very interesting subject. I would love to have a true memory of a previous life if it is true. According to my dad and others, I am a very old soul --- somehow, I knew that!

One final thought -- also, before my grandma passed away, she admitted her belief in reincarnation. She and I talked about it a few months before her passing. She had never told anyone before, but for some reason, she felt like she could tell me. We had a pretty good conversation, and she got the courage to tell my aunt too before she passed. One thing that really lingers with me now is that Grandma said she might be my daughter someday. I would love that.

...Actually, I have more thoughts --- dang, I should write a story! I heard one of my mom's friends say too that she thinks there is something to reincarnation. To make a long story short -- I took some of her speculation and made it work for myself, I think: Maybe, with every life, we leave a little part of our higher selves on the Other Side, and so people on their death beds still see loved ones who have passed on...I don't know. It's entirely speculation. I do know spirits can communicate -- that WE can communicate with one another on a spiritual level, no matter how many thousands of miles apart we may be. Maybe the same kind of thing happens with what I'm talking about -- that our spirits communicate with our loved ones from previous lives who are now passing on themselves. Yes, these are very interesting thoughts! I need to write a story, and soon!

Well what a relief to have read this, I also have had many of the same experience you have. For me, however it is France and New France (Quebec) that has my heart. I feel comfortable, at home in that country and have even begun writing a book based in 17th century Quebec. It is really not difficult to write, as I seem to have an intuitive idea of what life was like then. It is truly weird sometimes, as if I am writing an autobiography versus historical fiction.



When I listen to French, I feel at ease and at home, my heart flutters and I feel almost relieved. Like you, I have always over dressed in heat and remember in my teen years into my twenty's turning up the heat in my car even when it was 90 degrees out. Still, I over dress wearing sweatshirts in Florida recently got many stares from people, however I felt comfortable. No one else seemed to notice there was a chill in the air (ha ha probably because it was 98 degrees).



I have had distinct dreams, memories of being in France and being very in love with a man. I have a feeling of heartbreak and moving to canada where I lived out my life. I also have had a huge interest in herbal medicines and remember reading about herbal medicines when I was in my early teens (when my friends were reading love stories or watching tv). I have met people, complete strangers and felt a huge connection, almost drawn to them. I of course, keep this in check and to myself.



It is strange, I am very educated, so I too try to dismiss this as my overactive imagination. Who knows.... it was very interesting to read someone else in this world has had similar experience.

Well what a relief to have read this, I also have had many of the same experience you have. For me, however it is France and New France (Quebec) that has my heart. I feel comfortable, at home in that country and have even begun writing a book based in 17th century Quebec. It is really not difficult to write, as I seem to have an intuitive idea of what life was like then. It is truly weird sometimes, as if I am writing an autobiography versus historical fiction.



When I listen to French, I feel at ease and at home, my heart flutters and I feel almost relieved. Like you, I have always over dressed in heat and remember in my teen years into my twenty's turning up the heat in my car even when it was 90 degrees out. Still, I over dress wearing sweatshirts in Florida recently got many stares from people, however I felt comfortable. No one else seemed to notice there was a chill in the air (ha ha probably because it was 98 degrees).



I have had distinct dreams, memories of being in France and being very in love with a man. I have a feeling of heartbreak and moving to canada where I lived out my life. I also have had a huge interest in herbal medicines and remember reading about herbal medicines when I was in my early teens (when my friends were reading love stories or watching tv). I have met people, complete strangers and felt a huge connection, almost drawn to them. I of course, keep this in check and to myself.



It is strange, I am very educated, so I too try to dismiss this as my overactive imagination. Who knows.... it was very interesting to read someone else in this world has had similar experience.