Growing Up With The Towers

My parents moved to the states in 1969. I was introduced to the world in the winter of 1971. Growing up with the towers: On my parents mantel, for has long as I can remember is a photo of me in my pram with the north tower behind us and the other under construction. How can I forget the numerous field trips or Saturday shopping trips that carried us through the towers. My prom date at Windows on the World. My first official kiss. Working on Water St. and dropping my son of at Daycare Center. Dinners and dates. February 1993 stuck on a train between Hoboken and WTC. What's the delay, sir. Looks like some ******** tried to blow us up. Everyone stay calm we are going to have to walk into the station. No grumbling, no griping resilient New Yorkers
just determined to get this ordeal over and go on with our days. Me, thinking Jesus on toast I have to get home screw the office today. April 1999: Packing and Moving to Chicago promotion new town new life. Fast forward, always home sick but settled into new life, new friends. Tuesday morning, September 11th at the gas station filling up, only one class today, hooray. Over hearing talking-bits and pieces of a plane crash in NYC, me thinking what was air traffic control
doing wanking off at the helm, just not fathoming, still thinking that it is out at JFK or LGA. In the car now about to pull off, too many people just huddling together strangers hugging crying. Confused -what the **** is going on, switch on car radio finally listening truly hearing terrorist one plane crashed directly into WTC. Driving home, phone ringing, coworkers concerned :can you reach your family?, door opening son rushing I can't get through to Dad, we turn on the tv, phone ringing my mom I think I am so blessed they moved when I left she can't reach family nor friends, on her way over, we watch stunned -empty -bereft, I weep and sob I can't fathom this I can't digest this I think like a flash of images at high speed- the photo on the mantle, holding Rob's hand getting my first kiss, first date with ex, dropping my son off big hugs but no more kisses - Mommy I am too big for kisses, stuck walking in a tunnel. I am dazed my tears stop I am seething the anger taste like bile, emptying my sorrow into the commode. I stopped watching all coverage next morning the calls are getting through my ex is safe thank God, my family is all accounted for, my best friend worked at Oppenheimer's was late,never even made it to work but wait more calls two ex coworkers gone, 3 schoolmates gone too. Memorial service no tears just churning rage, anger at the loss the senseless loss. I can't cry no matter how hard I try. Time passes but I can never watch it again, nope won't see the movies. Met my other half we both talk about the day the horror, what we were doing, he was stuck in Brazil couldn't get home, all Amercians were under guard people were terrified that this evil would reach out to ****** the lives of those abroad. He weeps, I can only watch and hold his hand- I am still pulsing with rage. Sudan Hussein in custody, still no tears just a scapegoat, yes, a poor excuse for a human guilty of many things but just a scape goat all the same. December 30, 2006 nothing-gut churning, still burning. May 1st 2011 news states we have him trapped we drift off with the tv on I hear excited voices HE IS DEAD . Yes! I fist pump I clap I cheer but wait a single shot to the head no wait that was to clean to fast to efficient. No torture, no time to make him pay for each and very soul lost and damage from his unyielding act of hatred and cowardice. Wait, no what about the poor people hanging from the windows having to choice which death they will face because they had no chance to live, wait it isn't fair just so damn unfair and the tears come they rack my body I can't stop them I cry myself to sleep being held.
Present day, I have been to the memorial now. Oh, yes, I had been home on several occasions but never in the area I wouldn't even visit my friends in Battery Park for fear of seeing IT. Now I have been I have wept the bitterness has subsided. Now I pray and mourn and still shed my tears of sorrow but the hate and anger have been buried.
soulfilledbliss soulfilledbliss
41-45, F
Jan 23, 2013