My Husband Is Failing As A Provider

I resent my husband because he moved me back to my hometown as a housewife. By the way, I hate my hometown, but was willing to do it to make him happy. Our cultures strongly dictate and we both feel and agree that the man should provide money and the woman should provide for the house. He is mismanaging money and not bringing enough in. I am starting work in January as a result. I do not feel respect for him and therefore no sexual attraction whatsoever, but my sexual urges have become so strong that they've taken over my sleeping life completely. I don't want to cheat on him or divorce him. I want to respect him even if he isn't doing well by us and for us right now. How can I do that?
Sahara007 Sahara007
26-30, F
3 Responses Nov 29, 2012

I can relate so much! My husband continues to move me around trying to find a job he likes or will do. There's something wrong with every job. But this time he moved me very far away from my family. I had back surgery and now need knee surgery, so I can't work. I am so lonely and his family causes us constant problems. There's a lot of tension between us. Not enough money, he never tells me what is going on, so I am in the dark most of the time. But where I can relate the most is in the attraction/sex department. I don't want to cheat either, but I'm not getting any younger and I need to feel loved. My husband never touches me, not even a hug, sleeps in separate beds. Like you, my sexual urges have gotten so strong that they are overtaking my sleep. I am not happy, but feel guilty for wanting to leave. I feel like it is my fault he has no relationship with his kids, but I don't know what to do. I am starting to believe that if we aren't happy then it is time to move on. Let's face it....they aren't happy or attracted either or there would be more sex, more attraction, more love and honesty. Why are we doing this? Because none of us have the nerve to admit this relationship isn't working.

Yes, I think that is why. I don't want to have to admit we failed and get a divorce. It really sucks to not be attracted to your own husband though. :/

First thing to remember that you both are a team. In this day and age it may be necessary for both mates to work to make ends meet. Every little bit counts. I strongly recommend a budget. You both sat down and make a budget together to see where all the money is going plus to see if you both are going to be short for the month. It is very important for you both to be honest with each other about spending. When you both approach a problem as a team then it shows accountability on both sides plus it helps each other to respect the other. It is all about communicating and planning together on resolving the issue. Remember if one of you fail then you both of you fail as a team.

I used to be a financial manager and a damn good one. I have tried teaching him how to budget and talking to him about managing the money better. He comes from a family where money is abundant so he's never been forced to budget even though everyone should do so. He won't let me in on the money and insists he's doing a fine job at it. So that solution is out. As far as us both working, I don't agree with you. We live in a country where it has become necessary. I'm perfectly fine with moving back to his home country where the economy is thriving.

Well, I just tried to explain all of this to him and his response is "It's not my fault and there's nothing I can do to make you respect me." "Our life will be different." OK, so it's hard to find good work right now, but at least he could try to find one and manage what little money we have better. Not argue with me that he's managing it well when he can't even tell me at any given time how much we have left. Why won't he take responsibility for his shortcomings??? I resent him sooooo soooo soooo much!!!!!!