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He Decieved Me

I found out a year ago that my husband looks at gay **** on the internet.  To make things worse, he had a personal ad on one of the web sites.  He says he's not gay, just looking.  I can no longer trust him and I hate that he has embarassed me like this. 
Calybaby Calybaby 21-25, F 15 Responses Jul 8, 2006

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May be you are not giving your husband any sex ,and if he cannot find a woman ,then may be he is looking for a man!

Are you sure?Is your husband a bisexual?Everyone knows that curiosity killed the cat.If the other person injures you, you may forget the injury; but if you injure him you will always remember.

Mine did the same thing,he was also abusive mentally,emotionally and when i mentioned leaving once he threw me down on the kitchen floor.I have since left 28 months ago he still continues the wrath of abuse he destroyed and or kept all the house belongings kept one our daughters and now im in court trying to get her back.he stole my truck.Get out there gay !

I have a question: What is your relationship with him like? Would you say that you make an effort to him feel loved and respected by you?? Pre-gay ****, I mean.

Caly ,your husband is not being honest or being the kind of man you presumed he was you need to take whatever action for yourself and any other loved ones involved such as children etc. That is my advice.If a car salesman tried to sell you a car with a loud knock in the engine and i were your Father i would tell you to get off the sales lot immediately. Good luck hun and listen to your inner heart ;-)

he's gay,,if he likes to look a men doing each other hes gay,,,

Yes i agree if your husband is effeminate and is attracted to a man , then why would you want to be with him ,and why would you expose yourself and your marriage to the trauma and possible diseases that can from that . It would probably be in your best interest to find a future mate that isn't so hung up on sex and loves you instead of sex..

DO WHAT HE IS NOT MAN ENOUGH TO DE OR MAYBE HE ALREADY HAS, GO FIND YOUR SELF A NEW ROOSTER

Your husband has broken the sacred trust of your marriage. If he wants this stuff, let him go. I would not stay in a marriage with a person that I cannot trust. You have no further obligation and to stay with him will just enable him and destroy you. God will go with you. Read "tough love" by Dobson. Very good for people going through marriage stuff.

I don't believe that you have to be gay to watch gay ****. However, if he had a personal account on a gay website that would be concerning. As painful as it is.... I would approach the situation by trying as hard as possible NOT to guilt him. Maybe he didn't lie to you. MAYBE he is just now coming to terms of his sexuality.... the possibilities are endless. BUT-- If you create a safe environment for him to really communicate to you how he's feeling (without him being afraid of how mad you'll get) there is a greater chance for honesty to be shared.

Why are you embarred? You fell in love with a man that wasn't honest with you. My sister was mariid to her husband for quit a while. They had two kids. She caught him in the act with another man. She is a mess today. Very angry and has drove her family away from her. Don't let this happen to you. Seekhelp. Tell him if he wants to be with men then he needs to go . Get help for yourself. Don't turn out like my sister.

I found gay **** about a year ago too. It was like he almost wanted me to know so he could confess his one gay sexual expereince. We have talked about how he found out and his attraction to men and women and he is still in denial and tries to defend his 'couriousity' to me and himself. It was eating him up inside and I jus left him a couple of days ago with our son for him to figure everything out. Straight men do not watch gay ****. They have better things to do. Maybe they have looked at once out of courisity, but it would repulse a straight man. Don't let his confusion confuse you.

I wish my wife liked lesbian **** :(

That sounds like an awful situation to be in - I can understand why you would feel resentful towards him, although I'm grateful not to have experienced anything like that.<br />
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And whilst I don't know the specifics of your situation, I must say it sounds like his greatest deception is one of deceiving himself. Might it be possible that he really *doesn't* believe that he's gay, especially given the way many parts of society are still quite homophobic?<br />
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At the very least he sounds like he's a little bi-curious, which does raise another question about how happy he is with the relationship, regardless of where he sits on the wide spectrum of sexuality.<br />
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It does sound like there are a number of things that the two of you have to talk about, and that he might have a lot of things to work through. In my opinion, it's very important to acknowledge your resentment at his betrayal of your trust, but at the same time there's little point in blaming him if he is gay. After all, the worst thing that could happen is that he'll just shrink further into denial and then it'll resurface again later as a much bigger betrayal. <br />
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Anyway, just my thoughts. Regardless of any of that, I wish you the best of luck!

You need to discuss this with your partner.<br />
You also need to look at why you felt embarrassed by his actions - did it make you feel unwanted, or unable to give him something you thought he wanted. You cannot let this fester - it has to be disscussed.