Hopeless And Overwhelmed. Husband Is Not Working.

I am just overwhelmed and do not know what to do. My husband quit his job for another job 6 months ago. I tried to advise him over and over again to give a 2 weeks notice of resignation. Instead, he calls and quits very rudely and began working at the other job.

Well after 2 weeks of working the other job, he is fired. I felt awful for him and very stressed about what the future would hold for us with me being the only one working. For about 2 months, I was handling all of the bills, rent, car insurance and our phone bills. I was purchasing all of his tobacco and buying all of the food for the house. It was completely overwhelming. I was living paycheck to paycheck and we were barely making it. Working all of the time and never had time to do anything else.

Finally, a hint of hope. His friend was working for a temporary service and he started as well. I was just thrilled!

Things started to get hectic. He was not getting work even though he was going everyday. They just didn't have the work for him. So, he decided that going there everyday wasn't worth it.

Everday, I came home. There he was. Either asleep, not home or playing his video games. The house was always messy and he never laid anything out for me to cook when I got home. He always asked for a pack of cigarettes as soon as I walked through the door.

Christmas came around and here I was. Paying for everything and worrying about getting gifts for my side of the family and his side of the family as well. I was about at my witts end.

New Years rolls around and he tells me that his resolution is to find a job.

This morning, I mentioned for him to turn in a job application he's already completed. He gave me another excuse. I confronted him. He yells at me. Calls me a choice word that starts with b and rhymes with witch. I tell him to just leave. He told me he will be gone by the end of the day when I'm home from work. I told him honestly, I really don't care anymore. Then he told me he's not leaving. I demanded an apology which he reluctantly gave.

I just would love to just have some advice. I don't know who to talk to or who to turn to. I cook, clean, work 6-7 days a week. I buy everything we need and pay for everything. Why am I the bad guy in his eyes when I'm doing EVERYTHING in my power to make this work.

I have lost my interest in making love, I'm now short tempered with him and just feel completely lost. I find myself happier away from him sometimes. I love him so much but his lack of motivation and seeming like he doesn't care is just tearing us apart. Has anyone else been through this? What did you do to cope? What should I do? Thank you. Any response is appreciated. I just feel so lost....

soemptyandbroken86 soemptyandbroken86
26-30, F
7 Responses Jan 22, 2013

I'm afraid I don't have an answer because I'm in the same situation too. But please take care of yourself.
Since I knew him he told me he had a "small business". It was only after we got married that I realised to my horror it was a business with almost no revenue and he was living off his mum and credit card debt. Since then I've had to pay off his debts, support his living expenses and feed our one year old.
Right now, he refuses to find a job and insists on running his "business" of making mobile games that no one is interested in buying. To date his revenue is $30 dollars. I'm full of resentment and stress everyday. I think I will pack up and leave by next year if things don't change.

I have a pretty good career. I'm 29 and working two jobs. My fiance made all those sweet promises that he will take care of me. He went to another country to work but came back after a year because he wants to be with me. He has bad money management and came back with no savings. The wedding he promised did not push thru. I was embarassed bcoz almost all my friends were expecting a wedding soon. He went home with no money and I am responsible for each penny brought to the house. I am the one who makes the initiative to get him to apply for jobs but I see no drive in him. I even got embarrassed whem he didnt appear at the job interview which was given to him my aunt. He promised that by May he would find a job but its now August and I still shoulder everything. I mean, don't I deserve more? I can no longer shop for clothes, shoes and bags bcoz I'm worried about the bills. As time passes by, I begin to reset him, despite him being nice because I SEE IRRESPONSIBILTY. He dreams big but I dont see him doing what it takes to be able to contribute. Im afraid hes getting comfortable with the schema of things - that it is okay for him to not contribute. Now, I snap at him when he talks about " im gonna have a house this big... and with this room, and this furniture!" I'm like, shut up! and do some action u cant even pay for ur own meal! (of course thats all in my mind). I love him but he's draining all of me. I dont have my previous drive in my work because im stressed. I have recently developed stress related urticaria and is constantly sick. I don't wanna leave him but is this all there is ?

Wow - this sounds very similar to my situation. I don't have the answers because I am still living it. my husband gets jobs but just doesn't keep them long and never really makes enough money at them to help out. it all falls on me and I have lost total respect for him. We have a child, though so all the guilt of divorce and splitting the family is included. if we didn't have a kid, we would have already split up.

Please don't make yourself a martyr and don't wait too long. I never thought my self an enabler but it turns out I was one. My ex husband was a student and working at walmart when we first were married. After a year he said he wanted to quit his job to focus on school which was fine. He never got another steady job...even after graduation I had supported him for three years and I waited another two. He admitted he was trying and he was sorry but I felt like I was drowning and being a female at my job was so challenging. He engaged in all kinds of escapism and games and started slowly neglecting me. I think that since I was "wearing the pants" it made him feel like a failure and less of a man...I waited years...I kept saying it would get better he was just in a slump. I felt like my help would get us by...turns out he started spending my money on what was less of a girl...you see I became the tyrant since I was trying to keep us and the house together working extra hours. But she was a playmate and also unemployed. I felt like a fool...don't wait for ships that don't come in or at least make him sink or swim on his own. Being the better person appparently emasculates and enables...

Sounds like he doesn't want a wife, he wants a free place to live, free food, and free maid service.

It's time for him to fish or cut bait. He either gets a job, or you should call it quits with him.

Let's say you split. And let's say he then gets a good job and comes back to you. Then you can review your feelings for him. If you like, put that on the table for him, that you would consider reconciling. But don't let him hold you hostage anymore.

sigh. where do i begin.

first of all, you need to read the book "Why Men Love *******". I think it will give you a lot of insight into why he's behaving the way he is. If you need help finding it, just msg me, I can email you a free version.

second, you are 26, at the prime of your life, and you're stuck in this terrible situation OF YOUR OWN ACCORD. you need to gather your self respect, and remove yourself from this situation. His life is HIS life, you need to put yourself first and improve your own life, everything else will follow.

finally, take some time out of your day for yourself again. stop picking up ciggies for him, stop cooking for him, stop coming home straight after work. take your time, and treat yourself with all that extra time and money, and i guarantee you'll feel better immediately. love your life, live it!

Thank you very much for your insight. I'm just so scared because we have only been married for a year and a half. I want so badly to make this work. I married him for a reason. I love him. I don't want to give up just yet. I would defintely love to read that book as well and will pick it up as soon as I get a chance.

he's treating you badly BECAUSE you're so desperate to make it work, and he can smell the blood in the water. don't be afraid to walk away from someone who doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve.

I understand where the man is coming from. It is quite a nice scent.

aww this sucks. So why did he change his mind about leaving if i may ask?..that was the smartest thing he said was he would be out by the end of the day. Since you are capable of paying your own way, why don't you find a cute little place of your own, and take a stab at a real life with much less stress...in my opinion, a man's got to be a man, and step up to the plate.
the very best to you!