Married to Young???

My husband and I got married when we were both young. I had turned 18 literally 30 days prior. We DECIDED to get married on a Wednesday and did so on Saturday. It was great... Then we got an apartment and were making decent money. It was textbook. Then we struggled with some trust issues and before we fully got over that I got custody of my teenage brother. A few years later he moved out... Before we could readjust we found out we were pregnant. Over the six years that we've been married we have been separated for almost two years. For reasons beyond our control... Now our daughter is two and half. We bought our home and we are staying were we are for awhile... But now we argue EVERY single day. EVERY DAY... I have almost stopped trying to reason with him. I say something hurtful, he says something hurtful. He doesn't care about who's around. Whether family, friends or even our daughter. When I tell him not to curse at me if front of the baby his exact words are 'so now I'm a bad father???!?!' He says that to me every chance he gets. I tried to talk to him today and he just laughed at everything I said. I told him that I thought we had just gotten comfortable and that we take each other for granted. He then asked if I was accusing him of being lazy. WHAT?!?!? He then went all over the house pointing out things that I don't do (neither does he). He tells me that I wait for an argument so I will have a reason to be angry so that I will have a reason to not 'be intimate' with him. That's entirely not true. I am so upset by the way he treats me and the lack of respect that I think he is out of his mind if he thinks that I will have sex with him. The other night we got into an argument because our daughter broke a glass vase. He just let her sit there and yelled at me to come get her! (I was in the dining room with a friend I hadn't seen in a few months) So I went to him and of course said something about how he could have picked her up. And then he did... Two inches... I told him to get her away from the glass. He then stormed away with her. I don't want him going any where with her when he's mad so I followed. He then dropped her (about two feet down) hard onto her bed. I was right behind him. When he turned around he took his shoulder and 'bumped', 'rammed' (his words that night) but actually, hit me. I could not believe it! Now, two days later he says that he did not. This kind of incident happens all the time. I am not worried that he will ever actually hurt me. I sometimes worry about the baby... He can be overly mean; I think he is taking his anger towards me out on her... I don't know anymore. It seems like I have rambled long enough. OHHHHH, my point was we were arguing about all of that up until we got into bed. He still thought we would have sex!!! When I (obviously) did not want to he started another argument… It never ends… Well, Good night all...
PaperRoses PaperRoses
18-21, F
18 Responses Aug 5, 2007

We got a divorce...

It's all very frustrating. And there is no one here for me to talk to here, that being said I hope you all know how much I appreciate your support and advice. I really only have one friend and my husband hates her... So EP is my only real outlet! I feel awful cause sometimes I can't get on here but I try when I can... As I said, my ONE friend, she and I are going to lunch tomorrow and automatically he gets an attitude and tries to make me feel guilty. Don't worry I am still going. But when I get home I am going to get twenty questions. Like it's highschool or something. Oh well, I think that I will just worry about that tomorrow evening and just have a good day tomorrow...

No...Immaturity can come in many ages. SADLY!!

Yeah... Sometimes though I wonder what is worth anything. Is it worth it to leave? Is it worth to stay and why would I really do either???????

Oh, can I feel your pain and understand how torn you may be. All these emotions going thru your head and heart. Its so overwhelming, and confusing.<br />
I know about being young(not as young as you were) and getting married. I turned 19 on July 8, got married July16 and had our son on Dec 11. He(hubby) was a senior in college when our son was born. Two years later at age 21 I had our daughter on Dec 14. Six months later we bought our house and moved in. Yes we had alot going in a relative short time.<br />
So I can relate. No I may not have had the exact experience, but I can understand.<br />
I know what it is like to know in your heart its over, but yet part of you is trying to hold on. I know what it is like to hate your husband. I know what it is like to keep telling yourself you can keep holding on...I can wait until...whatever the situation or occasion may be.<br />
It doesn't matter what age you are, we all have the potential to be disillusioned about marriage. That being said, only you can answer the question am I better off with him or without him. That doesn't mean you have to answer right away. It means you have to take the time to really think it thru. To ultimately do what is best for you and your child.<br />
I think you really need one.

i dont know...

One of the newspaper agony aunts tells you to ask yourself one question "Am I better off with him, or without him". Only you know the answer to that.

ohhhhhh.... I get what you are saying.... I think what I was saying was that I was barely 18, away from everything I knew and he was my only connection to everything that I had known... So I made a decision to marry him before I knew what marriage even was and before I even knew who he was... And now here I am 6 years later wondering how to fix it... For better or for worse...

No, I think your mistake was not your timing, but your choice of partner. I believe the success or otherwise of all relationships lies squarely in the choice of partner.

My opinion is that the fact that we married so young has a lot to do with how we treat each other. I am not implying that everyone who marries young is in for a world of hurt... But for us that may be a factor. Although I didn't mention that he is 4 years older than me. So maybe I mean that I was just young with cloudy vision. To far from home, missing everyone and made a rash decision to hold onto the life that I knew...

I don't like the sound of this at all. I was 18 when I got married, had a child 3 years later, and we were always desperately short of money. Similar circumstances? No, in fact worlds apart. My story is very different to yours. This is not about marrying too young, this is about him being a jerk, actually. My advice is to move on. There are good men out there. The boy I married is still here, 6 kids and 27 years later. Good men don't hurt you.

nothing has changed and i don't think it ever will...

I don't know really what's going on... He goes through phases where he acts like that and then other times it's nothing of that magnitude. Sometimes I think that he hates me. Especially in the past year or so. He is always telling me that I need help, that our marriage won't last and almost threatning me with leaving. I don't think that he would leave and I don't think that he would hit me... I just want to find out where the anger is coming from...

My husband doesn't physically abuse me just verbally, though my ex husband did. So this comes from experience.You can never say you know he will not hurt you. If he thinks it is ok to "ram" his shoulder into you, then he will think its ok to open hand hit you, then it will become closed fist into the face. I was very lucky and was never seriously hurt, the worst I got was a cuncussion...from my husband, the father of my 3 kids!!<br />
I know I am in no position to be giving advice, due to the fact my marriage is a joke. But I have such strong feelings about women being abused by men who CLAIM to love them. I have to say something and not sit back quietly.

I would get worried if I were you...in relationships where violence starts slowly, there can be an episode where it explodes, and the last thing you would ever want to do is put your daughter in that situation, because your husband sounds very unhappy and you're sitting on a powder keg. One day, he's not going to hold back anymore. Trust me, I understand this situation.

I sure hope not! But he doesn't like my friend so it could have been subconcious... I dunno... When we argue like that we tend to just drop it like it never happened...

Anger Management issues! LOL I could imagine if I tried to tell him that! He probably does though, and some control issues. I just wish we could get out of whatever it is that we are in right now... I know he loves us. But it's like when he's mad he doesn't realize what he's doing. I dunno...

Wow.... that is awful. Your husband sounds like he needs anger management counselling. I wish the best for ALL of you and I hope that your baby doesn't take the 'brunt' of his anger...