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Respect Myself

I set myself boundaries towards other people, it benefits me greatly.

It is not about what they want or their boundaries, but my boundaries towards them, what I need to get ahead.

As a kid I had no understanding of another's boundaries, always gave my full heart and devoted attention to the people I cared for and always got hurt, why is that after all I have done? Because I didn't have any set of my own boundaries to loving people, I just loved them unconditionally - my biggest mistake ever made; always ending up disappointed and sad... I know unconditional Love means giving without expecting anything back, but that is how I loved and I only demanded a little respect but they all treated me like shiiiit.

So upon knowing the true nature of humans, I have learned to never fully trust any one of them, some didn't even deserve the Love and kindness I gave them, and my time and energy... Thank God I am not the messiah or some other saint obliged to be kind and loving towards everyone, even criminals...that relieves me of any such obligation, since I know I can never be as perfect as Jesus was in loving (if he ever existed).

I don't have to Love everyone, since that would be simply impossible...rather I don't set myself up against some saint like scale, or God would hold me responsible for not fulfilling it... I know I cannot fulfil it, so why fool myself in thinking I can be that great at loving? And frankly I don't want to love people any more, they all have problems and are capable to hurt others.

I know the Bible says "you should all aspire to be like Christ"...but that is simply impossible to ever achieve, since not only have I a great hatred for humanity being the disgrace they are to God, but also because I know I can never measure up to that perfection so why kill myself while trying?

They say when you don't open your heart you lose a piece of yourself - I beg to differ, you lose it when you open it up to others...especially to people who don't deserve it, trampling over that piece of treasure!!!
indigowitch indigowitch 22-25, F Apr 6, 2012

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