Since Fifteen I Have Ran, Everywhere You Can Let's Run

Whenever I'm confronted with an uncomfortable instinct is usually to run away from it. Just drop it and dash. Sever ties, no good-byes, get the **** out of there. I drop communication with whatever is bothering me and seclude myself until I feel like it's safe to come out. And I'll never mention how I'm feeling even if it's eating me up inside. It's easier to just not deal with things most time. Taking away the option makes one less difficult decision to make later.

Why run? Why not? Ok...obviously there are many reasons why I shouldn't run...why I should just stay and face my problem dead on. But I just get so incredibly scared and nervous...**** it...I'm not ready. I usually do this with people who I like, or have liked, or drunkenly messed around with. As soon as they start returning the sentiment, I get scared and bolt.

The idea of letting myself be vulnerable to another person who can just as easily break me is not appealing at all. I've never let myself feel too strongly about a person, and if I did, that's when I'd run. I don't know how to do it, and I'm not sure if I want to learn. I don't know how to let a person that close to me and be comfortable with it. I know I'm missing out on something wonderful, but I'm finally ok with who I am, and I don't want someone to come and ruin it.

Running from whoever it is is usually my best course of action. I save myself the inevitable heartache that would have been worse if I let the relationship continue. I do hurt after I make my decision plan isn't fool-proof of course. I always look back, even though the first rule to running is to never do that. I can't help thinking of what could have been, but I also can't let myself feel anything I can't control. I have too much at stake and so much to lose.

Over here, over there, I'll run...from you...
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2 Responses Aug 4, 2010

I'm only a kid but that's how I solve my problems too. I'm trying to stop, but it's so hard. Post if you feel the same way.

*hugs* I understand how you feel. This is probably one of the reasons why I'm so afraid of falling in love.