Stupidly and Stubbornly

i leave work until the last minute, i make myself think the worst of a situation sometimes, i stay up all night and waste the next day, i have bad attendance because im so tired because i have such an irregular sleeping pattern, take stupid risks i just wont learn from mistakes
pixiedust pixiedust
22-25, F
5 Responses Jan 14, 2007

i understand completely. i've done this with jobs, with school. i'm actually doing it now by being online when i should be waking up in 5 hours. i am a queen of self-sabotage. sometimes my only cure for it is to pop an ambien and make myself sleep. but then i will choose not to and stay up all night and screw myself over for the next days obligations and plans.<br />
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i have hope that people like us can overcome this. it's all about habits. like brushing your teeth or taking your vitamins and crap like that. we just need to force ourselves into it with the same stubbornness we procrastinate with. and before we know it, it'll be a habit.<br />
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i'll get back to you the day i have succeeded at this. i've been attempting to for years now. :)

I feel like I relate. If there is something I think I might not be good at, I'll refuse to do it. Otherwise, I'll often go 85% of the way in secret. If it looks like I can do it, I'll announce that I "probably can't" and "surprise everyone." I'm often told that I'm a go-getter, and a hard-worker, but the truth is that if I'm not 100% sure I can pull it off with exceptional style and grace, I'll just shovel it to the side and begin working on my fantastic spread of excuses.

That's the only way we learn things though...you don't have the motivation to do something differently until you find out just how crappy it feels to do something the wrong way. And it takes more than once sometimes, unfortunately. It did for me.

I have ALWAYS learned things the HARD way and that is how i think i sabotage myself, just once i wish i could listen to what i know is sound advice, but no, i'll do it my way .... THE HARD WAY, grrrrrrrrrr

Sometimes I'll come home from work early thinking I'll get stuff done from home, and screw around on the internet all night. I wonder what the hell I'm afraid of, or why I'm not only unmotivated, but motivated to get in my own way. I don't know. Maybe that doesn't make sense. But I definitely sympathize with you.