I Need A Psychiatrist.

For some reason, I have serious issues maintaining relationships, with the exception of my immediate family. 

With my friends, I'll avoid them, and sometimes even ignore them... Even though I hate feeling lonely??  I had a best friend in high school and some days I'd just come in and totally ignore her.  I wasn't mad at her at all, I just wanted a change of scenery, I guess, because she was ALWAYS talking about the same thing over and over.  That got on my nerves.  But instead of saying, "Can we change the subject?" I just ignored her.  She still wants to be friends, though.  She sent me a Facebook message a month ago.  I just got back to her yesterday.  I had time to write her.  I just didn't want to.  Apart of me is embarrassed that I still don't drive, and also about my agoraphobia.  She's gonna want to go places with me.  While, apart of me wishes for that so much, the other part is scared.

With my romantic relationships, I am no better.  The first guy I ever gave my heart to just shattered it, over and over.  What he did to me was brutal.  He told me he was doing it to protect me.  Well,  I can meet a guy on the internet and fall head over heels for him, but I can't make myself feel love for men I get involved with in person.  I met my ex online, we were going to get married.  Right before he was going to come visit me, I got cold feet and ended it.  He was perfectly good to me, it was a healthy relationship.  I just, for some reason, detached right there at the end.

I have a boyfriend in person, now, and I do not love him AT ALL.  When I look at him, my heart doesn't flip flop.. It did in the beginning, I guess, but now I spend time ignoring his calls... I never call him.... and I really don't know why I am like this.  I think, what it is, I am terrified of having "the real thing" because if I lose it, I will be so completely heartbroken.

urbrandofheroin urbrandofheroin
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

You and me both have problems with relationships. The only way we'll fix them is through practice and this is one of many reasons I am delighted that you have decided to remain my friend...

I have strangers taking a great intreast in me and i aint even famous i am a figure of hate yet i have people listening to every thing i do say and i even have people wanting to harm me because they dis like me yet they pay most of their attenstion to me and they say i am nutty but its my life even thou they are telling me they are going to take it,but i really dont care,as i have so many people who just want me and need me,as i have become their personal drug they use to get a buzz from,as they focus on me to pass the time.SO DO THEY NEED A SHRINK OR ME?