I Wanna Be Normal Again.

Well, I can't say this is much of a "story" rather than a problem. I'm 19, in 2nd year university and I guess you could say the world is mine still. And I know I'm young and a little inexperienced at life but still..I want help. I really do. I haven't pinpointed why yet but ever since I started my second year of school I've just felt awful about everything. I live with 5 of my closest friends too, and you

'd think that I'd obviously be able to stay happy around them but I can't help it. Sometimes I think about how there's always room for improvement in my stufies and I get sad. Sometimes I think about how my mom just recently broke up with her partner and since I'm away at school, she's alone back at home. She means the world to me. Someitimes I think of a girl I dated all through high school and now were on a poor tip between each other. it doesn't matter what it is, my mind always seems to gravitate towards something that'll put me in a sad mood. I guess when I'm with other people and friends I'm happy sometimes, but I can only be with my friends for so long right? I have to be alone eventually. I feel that I'm the most dangerous to myself when I'm alone and begin thinking. I feel almost as if I'm a hazard to myself. I need to find some sort of median between always thinking these sad thoughts and being happy when I'm with others. Some people will suggest to listen to upbeat music, I've clearly tried that and I still do use it, but it can only work for so long. It's like my mind WANTS me to think sad thoughts and be depressed. I hate it. I want to feel like I can leave my mom alone and she'll be happy until I return. I need to be able to be by myself and smile again.

Poirier10 Poirier10
Mar 15, 2010