It Doesn't Matter Anymore

I was raised Catholic, an altar boy and almost became a priest after ten years of Catholic school upbringing. Once I left the system, I became agnostic. I guess more of a rebellious reaction of my youth etc.In my adulthood, I have mostly stuck to the basic teachings of my former religious education. Then came the child molestation facts within the church along with other historical facts which turned my stomach and turned my head in disgust. I still remained I believer in God. Someone, I pictured as an accepting entity with out reached hand to accept people for who they are as long as their soul was well intended.Now, through time and diminished expectations, it doesn't matter anymore. At times, I find solitude in what the other side may not have; conflict of mind, body and soul and the pain and anguish that follows. To me, it doesn't matter anymore. Paco:)
paco35 paco35
56-60, M
15 Responses Feb 8, 2010

Hardships related to's truly a choice how we choose to treat one another. I, too was raised Catholic. It is my belief that there is far more to this world and universe that we do not know or understand...yet. Like life itself, could everything be a learning experience? Man kind has grown older and wiser just like a child does. Do scientists really know how old we are? Or the span of our lifetime? I wonder. I believe there exists a separation of the physical self and the soul. Where the living soul goes when the physical self is over, however that may happen, remains the mystery.

Thank you for your feedback.

Thanks Amy for your comment. I always like to think God exists and "God is Love"; but as I expressed in my story, I find myself content enough if their is not a God and the end to life is just an end.<br />

i hear many things bout religion...ppl believe in different things.. the only thing i know is that i end up in :god is love...

You have come along way Paco, and I think I understand how it come to be that you're now where you are.<br />
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Still I wish for you the peace that I have with me now :)

Thank you for the great post,

Thank you LV, Fascade, Frito etc. for your input. <br />
I agree with your statements and referrals to separate man's acts from Gods, religion formed by man on earth to a possible supreme being in a place such as heaven. <br />
To me; in the end, it will be a better place just based on the lack of conflict of mind, body and soul. If their is a God waiting, it would be an additional bit of solace and comfort whenever that time arrives. <br />
LV, I like your comment and wording in separating God and religion, TY<br />

I have never believed in religion, never took part in any religious practice with free will.<br />
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But I believe in God, and he has nothing to do with religion.

Fascade, I agree with your last entry, these acts are and will be made by humans and as such there will be future victims as in the past. <br />
I do live by a moral code that I am thankful for. <br />
As Frito, I do not follow any organized religion but I do try to live my life by an em<x>bedded code of behavior. <br />
I appreciate your input, as I always appreciate intelligent debate and conversation. It keeps the brain juices flowing. <br />
Thank you for your opinions. I try to listen with an open mind, since life is a never ending learning process. <br />

Like you Paco I was raised Catholic....for many reason I am not religious. But I believe with everything in me that there is a world beyond us that we can sometimes get brief glimpses of...and that we are all connected...that we have an essence that lives on after our physical body dies.<br />
Much peace Paco. :)

"They were done by humans who by their own proclaimed religious rights are Gods representation on earth. "<br />
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That doesn't mean they represent God, or even his teachings. The Roman Catholic church is perhaps the worst example of a Christian denomination one has yet to witness.

Fascade, you are correct in quoting me concerning my attitude after Catholic school upbringing but after reaching adulthood I do refer back to my beliefs in the Catholic religion. <br />
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Yes, the child molestion and the shuffling of child molester priests to other locations only to repeat their crimes, were done by humans. <br />
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They were done by humans who by their own proclaimed religious rights are Gods representation on earth. <br />
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Let's not forget the Catholic Church along with the Pope perpetuate the spread of AIDS and death to people in Africa due to their refusal to promote preventive measures. <br />
This is the same Catholic Church who ran the Sisters of Madeline up into the 1970's where young troubled women were treated as near slaves. <br />
Where is or was the prosecution of the Church for such crimes. No politician would go near these situations with a ten foot pole for fear of reprisal at the voting booth. <br />
Your correct, too bad so much injury, death and crime is committed by established religions in the name of God by humans. <br />
Gee, and you wonder, Fascade why some people have their doubts upon the nature or existence of an loving God. I do appreciate your feedback and I do see your point. This is mine. Best Regards. <br />

"I guess more of a rebellious reaction of my youth etc"<br />
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That still seems to be the case. You blame God for man's sins. This is one of the most common reasons people --say-- they don't believe in God anymore.<br />
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Funny, how those people lash out at something they don't believe in.<br />
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Not trying to offend, just being honest.

Thank you for sharing your opinion and experience. The main thing is if you find some peace and comfort in your revelations and discoveries.

no one really want to hear this, but it is true that God has His reasons for the tragic and humbling just as much as the wonderful and miraculous. i have to constantly be reminded of that. at times i even get overwhelmed and i cut myself. without our heavenly Father i probably would be planning suicide by now. He has a purpose and His children can always find comfort in Him. :)

Thanks for your feedback. Good perspective. I am glad you have been able to transform your earlier experince with religion to a positive for your children