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I'm So Tired Of This

I don't know what's wrong with me... The last few days I haven't done anything else than crying all day.
Everything I do just makes me cry. There's this deep sadness in my soul that i can't get rid of.
I'm so tired of this bullshit and people asking you if everything is alright and you say yeah and then they don't try asking again.
They don't really want to know. Sometimes I wished they would hug me and tell me to stop faking everything and that they would be there for me.
I'm so messed up but in some weird way, I manage to look just fine when I'm being around people.
I'm so hurt and left alone. I've been pretending for too long and i can't take it anymore.
I feel lost in this world and to be honest I don't see the point to stay here any longer but guess i'm not brave enough to end this pain.
I hate waking up in the morning because it's too damn painful to walk around like nothing is wrong.
I can't handle people anymore. I got into a lot of fights lately. It's like everyone decided to attack me at once.
And whatever I do or say is never enough because I mess up everything.
I don't want to feel this way anymore, it feels like i'm losing myself...
I feel sorry for this person I've become. I wished i could disappear and make it easy for everyone...

DrowningInMyOwnSorrow DrowningInMyOwnSorrow 18-21, F 3 Responses Mar 17, 2012

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ok tellme in a message what is going on if you wish i will not judge

I know exactly what you mean. It's awful to feel that way. You can't always listen to what your brain is telling you. When depression sets in, you're brain tells you lies that you would recognize as lies if you weren't feeling so low. If you need to talk, feel free to email me.

I know this is easier said than done but it seems to me you need to change your outlook on your life<br />
The more you find yourself following negative thoughts and the more you drown yourself in them the more negative your reality will become. I'm sure there must be something that makes you happy even if you don't feel like it right now, I'm sure there is. You should try and find that happiness and focus your attention on it because if you do everything will seem to get so much better and in fact it will. <br />
I've felt similar to how you feel and I came to this realization. I haven't been utterly sad and negative since. You can't rely on people to make you feel better because honestly they can't. You have to find it in yourself to make yourself feel better. Focus your mind on positive thoughts and positive occurrences will happen to you.