Addiction to Refuse

My boyfriend is probably bipolar II. But in the moment he actually has no depression. He wants to play a depression. He told me himself, his doctors also see It like this and I think also that is true.

He constantly refuses anything, he refuses to eat, to drink, to sleep. When I ask him why he can tell me that he does not understand it but is like an addiction, an addiction to refuse. I think this is even much worse than a depression. He knows the refusing is wrong, but is such a blemish to admit this, that he thinks he has to play it all over. He is now in the mental hospital, but knowing he has no depression, it is such a blemish he is there, he thinks he has to stay for eternaty. He refuses every structure they try him to give. But somehow still feels wrong doing all this to him self, it really remembers me to something like anorexia, which is a completely mental addiction, too.

I can not except playing him this game, i do not want him to destroy all my dreams, too. All my dreams where he is part of, without him I have to search a knew appartment and I have so few friend, which I can go out with, I feel so alone!!!!!!!!!

I am not like him, I am not addicted to refuse, I feel the huge urge to take action. I can definitely not allow this.............. We are together for 7 years, and he wants to destroy everything which was so beautiful, he wants to disturb his complete live, just because he can not admit, that he is in the mental hospital for the second time this year, knowing he has no depression, this is the biggest blemish which could ever happen to him. He says he wants to have a guardian who takes every decision for him. He wants to be a small child, who refuses everthing just until mother says yes. But there will this time be no mother,  he is 26 and has to act like this. I can not go to his working place and talk to his old boss, that he ashamed of beeing in the mental hospital again. And can not say this so much to his is not able to accept the job she wants to offer him. Also If I would say this to her, what would it help? What could she then do?

The doctors tell me just to wait, but the problem is when he has forsaken himself allready, I can not believe in him either.

I have no Idea how I could save him from this. I can only say him a 100 times more, that he breaks my heart and destroys my dreams.... But will it ever help?

First I thought it could be a good a idea, to set an ultimate. I say him if he still loves he has to stop, not today but he can call me, if he wants to stop, but I will not phone him. But this is to hard for me. I'm also afraid that would be his wish, because he says "do not phone me all the time, just let me die alone...."

My second and at the moment best Idea at the moment is, is to do everthing against his wish. First to explain him, how much he breaks my heart and destroy my life! After when he will change, there is only the possibililty to play the same game as he does, and to cry, cry and cry again. Of course I would only cry with him, and not in the rest of the time. I think I can play crazy as good as he can. Oh yes, I think I can! Then we will who can cry for longer.....

He wants to cry alone, so I make terror and I cry with him, but will this help???????

I have so much no idea..... I do not really want to play this game, but see no other possibility. Does someone of you see one?

I will not accept his wishes and let him destroy everthing, i will not!!! I can just not allow this!

Any help?







LittleAnt LittleAnt
31-35, F
3 Responses Mar 20, 2009

I think taking him to psychologist basically a hypnotist and know what forces him to do so there may be something deep in subconscious mind forcing him to do so will work. till you cant reach the root of the problem,the reason you cant get to the solution and that may be virtually invisible to him or more importantly his conscious mind.<br />
I HOPE THE BEST FOR YOU.and appreciate your LOVE.

Saturday morning he woke up, after first time sleeping in one week, and started to see clearly again. Said sorry and now wants to start to be better, I just told him, thanks you are back...<BR><BR>He also said he wants to learn not to get mental sick anymore, to accept he is not perfect and does not need to be. And we decided to speack more together. I hoped it would work....<BR><BR>Sunday he was back in refusing. <BR><BR>This means I have to live the double live again.<BR><BR>I have a full time academic job, where I have to be good. Everynight I drink two cups of tranquillization tea. And sleep maybe 5 hours but need 8. At work I have to function like everything were normal. Every evening I call my boyfriend and beg him to go come back to live.<BR>After 1 day normal, I visited him in mental hospital and when I realized he is back in refusing, I waited for 1 hour and played loosing my mind. Cried around absolutely crazy, as he did not react. I told him, if he wants to be this day with me, I wait for him outdoor for half an hour enyoing the sun. I waited half an hour, then phoned him he had his chance and I will visite him in 3 day again. I hope I will hear earlier from him.<BR><BR>I do not want to live this double live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that when someone refuses your help and love there is nothing there to do except let go, they're going to hold a place in your heart, but they shouldn't take up all of the heart. Refusing to love you back is something that needs to be looked at, after all, right now he can't love himself, how can he truly love someone else, let alone how can he love you. While your love may be strong enough to pull him partially through, he has to admit to having a problem before he can truly be helped or healed.