She Had Cancer

I was 12 years old...my mother was very sick. At the time, they kept us, my sister and I, in the dark, didn't tell us what was going on. We just knew she was very sick. She had lost her hair and she had an operation. Now I know she had chemo and had a tumor removed, but like I said, they kept us in the dark...didn't want to upset us or something.

So, here we are a 12 year old and a 10 year old, being told that our mother was going to die within 3 months...she died 3 weeks later.

I will never forget the day she died...I'm upstairs sleeping and all of a sudden my father wakes me up and tells me, "get downstairs, your mother isn't doing very well". She was crying and telling me how sorry she was that she had to leave me. I had to hold her head up because she couldn't do it on her own. I remember my father on the phone calling an ambulance and then the lady across the street so she could come sit with my sister and I while he was gone. He was crying, I had never seen him cry before.

So, the ambulance came and as they were putting her on the rolling stretcher, she grabbed my hand and told me she loved me...then died, right there in our house. Things got a little crazy after that, the ambulance people were shouting and my dad pulled me out of the room. They took her out and put her in the ambulance. Years later, my father told me that they tried to revive her, but were not able to...

I am now in my early 40's and I can still remember the feelings that went through me at that time...sadness, fear, anger. I'm crying while I write this, how silly, right? I was angry at my father for so many years after that. (therapy, therapy, therapy)

I will NEVER keep something like that from my children, ever. My husband and I both feel the same way. We talk about almost everything with them...

purpleriz purpleriz
51-55, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2009

I agree, I think that your parents and all of the other adults involved weren't trying to deny you anything but pain (although, as Shortguy5399 said, we know better now). <br />
The pain of losing someone never goes away, and crying for your loss is never, ever silly.

Things were different when we grew up...I think most of the time our parents did what THEY THOUGHT was the best but now we know that it was wrong thing to do. <br />
<br />
I'm glad that you did get to see your mother before she died and know that she really loved you.<br />
<br />
Ditto on the Ok to cry when you remember.