University Is So Lame.

Well, I'm in first year university. Everyone in high school was like, I can't wait to leave, I can't wait to get out of here. But it's even worse that joining high school. Its like you're literally starting over, back to kindergarten. But its even harder making friends cause when you were younger you didn't have any real concept of bad or good. You could say anything and it wouldn't affect you as much?
Either way, I have no friends, my grades are ****** and everyone here is stuck up.

I'm not the greatest student, and I don't get straight A's all the time but my grades so poor I'm barely passing my courses.I study, but it just doesn't seem to cut it. So I'm paying thousands of dollars for these terrible grades? Its so hard to find help, and I always feel uncomfortable asking people within my class. They all understand everything and I feel, well just dumb. Most of them even have this stuck up attitude. I can't afford to fail, my mom will be disappointed in me and I feel like I'll bring shame. She tells people, "Oh she goes to university." to her siblings because their kids never finished. I want to go to university but I feel like there's too much expectations to uphold and I;m not even happy here. I hate it here so much, the stress is starting to get to me.

Because of university, I have no friends whats so ever. Sure I have a few people I'll exchange a few words with, but our conversation dies and its left all awkward. Or they'll talk to me once and then never again. Do I stink or something? Was it something I said?
All my other friends that I've known for along time decided to stay a year back, I miss them all but it seems like everyone is drifting. Well, not everyone just one in particular. My best friend, seems like I'm less important to her these days. I know I mess up from time to time and usually that doesn't mean much to the both of us because we can get over this and move on. She seems to be getting close with this other friend of ours and I don't mind, they have class together it makes sense. But when I feel like you're always choosing her over me after I've known you for 11 years its makes me feel a little sad inside. Now I just spend my days alone at school and go straight home to room where I usually hang out now. I just feel safe here, no one to bother me, no one to make me feel terrible. 

I don't know, I like being alone but sometimes, I just need to feel a little wanted, perhaps loved from time to time. Maybe, I'll actually feel like I'm worth something once in awhile.
usedteabag usedteabag
18-21, F
Jan 13, 2013