Holes In My Arm

It started during the end of my freshman year in high school. I had panic attacks often and during one i scratched my left bicep into the tissue. No idea why. Then i thought of all the stress and realized that all of this was because of my past. I had a verbally abusive relationship for 2 months. My current boyfriend got me out of it. I guess i did/do it because i'm so afraid of the mistakes i make bringing everyone down. During that relationship, i was constantly being told that my mistakes were the reason i was being yelled at 24/7. That i hurt him so much (it was really the other way around). So every time i make a mistake i am gravitated to do this. In fact, i did it today because of a fight with my mom. It's just so hard to stop/hide it. Anyone have methods to stop and hide your scars from the world?
juliaadams111 juliaadams111
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 16, 2013

The key is wanting to get the help. My daughter currently does this. It hasn't happened for months but in a teenage angst moment we had a fight. Two days later, brand new scratches and even some new scars. She won't go to counseling, she refuses to stop, she won't talk to me. And it's very distressing to see someone you care about doing this. We all have stress, some if us eat, and some if us scratch. One type of stress is not any worse than the other but the ways we deal with it is. Get the help you need. Really go into it with an open heart and mind. Only you can make a change to stop this behavior. But it sounds like you've been pondering it. Now use the skills that a professional can offer
To reinforce that insight and learn some new coping skills. Good luck. I wish I had an answer more than you know.

like BigDreamer, I have to say do not hide them.
the fact they can be seen may lead someone to help you properly. U already know it wasn't you hurting your ex, it was his abuse hurting you.
I don't know what freshman year means, but you are very young and need to find someone who can help you come to terms with the things that are making you do this. the sooner you allow someone to help you, the sooner it can be brought under control and hopefully stopped.
you're current bf helped you out of the previous relationship, and I can understand that you would se him as a saviour figure, but is he helping you to cover up these marks or is he trying to help stop you from making them in the first place?
if your school has a councellor, try to talk to them, or see your Dr.

the damage you are doing to yourself isn't as much from the scratching and the damage that does to your skin, but you are damaging your mental health by making you believe it is 'normal for you' to do it.
find someone to talk to about how it started and why it started.

as a side note, I really hope that is not your real name up there as your id.

good luck

Don't hide them. Get help.