My Ed

iv had an eating disorder for nearly 3 and half years now. its been a secret for these years - everyone thinks im really happy and normal etc but i feel so sad all of the time. its like i cant do anything right. i tried to tell my friend but it was awful and now our relationship is bad, i don't want to tell anyone else as i couldn't bear to lose anyone else!!  my days are consumed with the thoughts of food and weight, i am also scared of the future. dont think i can bear living this way for the next 3 years.