I Admit I Am Just Not The Same Anymore... Crazy, Mad, Nutz -call It What You Like!

I lost the plot a few times in life 

trying to get a job, study, keep everyone happy- keep the therapist happy ... 

but mean while I was dead unhappy .... 



I guess that is what sent me crazy in the end.   

never being invited ... being pushed around by abusive men... being kicked and raped...

being bashed by women... 

being stalked 


being gossiped about and bullied on-line 


its all made me a different person 



and I don't care who thinks I am crazy anymore.... maybe I am crazy ...I didn't get this way alone.


the last 15 years have been hell ... and the especially since 2003 ... the headaches and confusion, the depression and paranoia

the panic and sleeplessness, the phobias ... the crazy thoughts of aliens in my closet and roof stalking me

the thoughts of incredible hulks breaking into my house at night to eat my cats and ghosts and witches... 

the dead creeping up from the grave ghouls and monsters chasing me and vampires have been hell. 


its been one big headache... the hallucinations and sounds and fear... 
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
May 6, 2012